Crookshanks' secret agenda
by Boogie
Summary: Crookshanks gets an idea... what is going to happen? COMPLETED! A DMHG from a cats point of view
1. The Little Sandbox

Crookshansk secret agenda begins…

I was walking down the hallway, humming the theme for James Bond.

Dum dum dum.

I heard a noise and that was when I knew.

I had to go to the bathroom.

Don't look at me like that! Cats' do use the bathroom!

It might be mighty small but it is our toilet.

It's only you humans who need everything in "Extra large"

Anyways, my curiosity took over my need to visit the little sand box.

I walked closer to the sound until I was standing in front of what appeared to be an empty classroom.

I cautiously sneaked inside. Yes though I may be fat I can certainly sneak!

Well anyways the two people in there didn't really surprise me.

My oh so beloved owner Hermione Granger was yelling at Draco Malfoy.

"I hate you" Hermione screamed flushed like a tomato.

"Well the feeling is mutual!" Malfoy spat as he walked out, very a la Snape with his ropes billowing behind him.

I followed my owner to the Gryffindor tower.

God knows I needed the exercise.

Harry Potter and Ron Weasley were sitting in there by the fire looking extremely fascinated.

Quickly Harry looked around and after making sure nobody was looking he took a bunch of parchment and threw it into the fire.

"Wow" The two boys mumbled while looking once again fascinated at the parchment as it crumbled.

Hermione sighed and walked over two them shaking her head ever so slightly.

"Don't you boys ever get tired of that?" She asked exasperated.

"Doing what?" Harry asked giving her his best innocent smile.

"Yeah, we weren't doing anything," Ron quickly agreed.

Like my owner would ever believe that!

"Alright," Hermione said letting it go as she sat down on the couch

I quietly jumped onto one of the chairs making myself comfortable.

"Uhm, so Hermione?" Ron said looking a bit flushed.

It's so sweet looking at those two.

Too sweet if you ask me.

Sickenly sweet

Hermione needs somebody who doesn't go red in the face each time he speaks to her.

She needs somebody who will make her forget a bit about me.

I mean give me a break! She is after me 24/7!

And then she wouldn't use so bloody much time on grooming my fur, I mean my tongue does an excellent job with that anyway!

And I would be a free cat; I could even pay Mrs, Norris a visit.

I hear that she's a mighty fine lady if you know what I mean -Wink wink-

But who? Not scarhead (nice nickname) he is way to messed up.

Not anyone from Gryffindor would fit they are just all so…

Nice.

Ravenclaws are way too clever, and they use too much of their time studying. Which means less time for them to make Hermione occupied.

Hufflepuffs are out of the question too.

That leaves me with only two options.

One of the teachers or of course one from Slytherin.

Alright, that leaves me with only one option. Those teachers are just way too old!

But who should I pick from Slytherin?

Draco Malfoy is who.

Mission Cat freedom was activated.

Don't laugh at the name, please. It's disrespectful!

I am going to start this as soon as I get some sleep, and of course I still need to pay a little visit to the little sandbox…

Catch ya later!

A/N, I rewrote this chapter putting a bit more into it since I needed a better reason for Crookshanks to start putting Hermione and Draco together then that he just felt like it. Hope you like it.


	2. The Lassie cat

Alright, Day 1

Mission Cat Freedom is once again activated.

First I need to find my Owner…

Again I start humming James Bond.

I look around like a paranoid chicken, my eyes darting around.

Wait, what was that?

I quickly roll around taking my non-existing gun out.

Damn, it is so hard to do that when you're a cat…

Oh phew. It's only Hermione.

And guess what she's doing.

Yep, she is reading a book.

A big book. No let me rephrase that;

A HUGE book!

I think it's bigger then me! And I am B-I-G big!

"Oi over here!" Of course that is not what comes out, I'm not that talented. But maybe my owner saw the hidden meaning behind the "Miaw"

"Crookshanks!" She says noticing me; maybe she did se the hidden meaning! Oh I feel like she understands me! I mean you get pretty misunderstood while being a cat…

"What are you doing here?" Hermione asks closing the book, (but not before carefully marking the page she was on)

"Miaw" I say hopping that she will once again see the hidden "I need you to follow me"

"You hungry?" Damn, that wasn't what I was going for. Once again I am a misunderstood cat.

"Miaw, miaw" I say and snap at her ankles trying to drag her after me. Not working.

"Oh alright, lets get down to the kitchen," she says, "but you are getting to fat, I have to get you on a diet," she adds with a look that clearly says that she loves me fat.

What? A cat can hope… I don't want to end up like a bunny eating nothing but carrots.

Poor bunnies.

I try to make her follow me back to the common room where I am almost sure Malfoy is.

"Where are you going?" Hermione asks laughing at what she thinks is my stupidity, "I thought you were hungry?"

"Miaw!" I say, and push her a bit into the direction of the common room.

It makes it so easier that Hermione and that boy Draco Malfoy are Heads together.

"You want me to follow you?" Oh god, I feel like Lassie.

I am so close to puking!

But a real agent would never puke on the job. Ever.

I think? I have got to make Hermione rent some more of those 007 movies.

"Miaw," I purr and run down the hallway with her right behind me.

Huff, I think I'm going to slow it down a bit. Or maybe just stop entirely.

Just a little break.

No. Must. Keep. On. Going.

I can't! arrrgh! Too much pressure!

"Why are you taking me to the common room?" Hermione asks as I stop exactly in front of the painting of a very ugly and annoying dog.

Who paints dogs anyways? Cats are so much prettier!

Mans best friend my arse! Droll a little, get the paper and suddenly you and the owner are best buddies!

That is what I call Desperate.

Hermione said the password, since I can't really say anything else then miaw.

And we walked inside. And I was right; Draco Malfoy was sitting on the couch reading a book.

I bet you that it's the same book Hermione is caring around.

Hermione doesn't give him a second glance and walks briskly to her room.

But no, we can't have that now can we… I quickly grab some of her skirt with my teeth and pull her back. I am one strong cat!

"Crookshanks let go!" Hermione says and pulls the fabric out of my mouth causing it to rip a little.

"Crookshanks?" Malfoy asks amused standing up, "What kind of a name is that?"

"Miaw" I say agreeing with him, I mean there isn't any agent called Agent Crookshanks is there?

Though it sounds quit good…

But still, I would much rather be named something cool, like Mrs. Norris! Why isn't Flich my owner?

"See even the cat agrees with me," Malfoy says chuckling stepping closer.

"You need a cat to agree with you?" Hermione says in a mock surprise.

"Only when there isn't anyone better to get an agreement from" Malfoy says smirking.

Oh no they are starting to argue again, must do something.

I know! I can, uhm… er… god this is hard work.

Uh I got a plan! It's stupid but it's all I can do on an empty stomach.

"Umpf!" Hermione screams as I push her against Malfoy.

For a second there they just lay there on the couch on top of each other.

But then "Crookshanks!" Hermione screams as they quickly jump of each other.

Oh oh, they look pissed. Gotta get going now…

Bye by- aargh let me go you madwoman!


	3. The Balance of the Earth

Well, right now I am trying to press myself behind one of those armour suit thingies.

Woops, I didn't mean to push it like that.

Damn it, Hermione must have heard the noise, it's a bit difficult not to hear.

I am positive that I just woke the whole castle!

But nobody's coming, maybe it's blown over?

Probably.

Thank you god!

No aaah! There she comes! Must. Run. Faster!

Damn, she caught me.

"Crookshanks, what the heck were you doing?" She screams at me waking everybody in the castle once again.

"Miaw" I say innocently giving her my best kitten-look. (I refuse to call it Puppy dog look!)

"No, you are in deep shit right now mister!" Hermione says,

Yeah right, like what can she do? Make me starve?

"You are officially on a diet!" Nooooo!

God she is mean!

"And you will not get a taste of sugar before you've lost some weight!" she ads satisfied with my look of horror.

Well, might as well go move to another planet with less gravitation pull.

That might work!

Nah, she's too smart for me.

"I just have to make you a diet plan," Hermione says and starts to walk in the direction of what I am almost positive is The Library, "I'm sure I'll be able to find something in The Library."

Told you so.

I really have to make some progress on Mission Cat Freedom! I do not want to be on this diet any longer then I have to!

We reached The Library and finally she was distracted enough for me to sneak out.

As I've told you before, I may be fat but I certainly can sneak!

I'm a sneaky little teapot!

Uhm…

Let us pretend that I didn't think that…

So I sneaked all the way to the kitchen.

'But a cat can't reach the painting' you might think.

And it's perfectly true. But I ain't no normal cat.

I just jump a little and the floor starts to bounce.

Yeah, the world is my trampoline.

So I jump and jump until I am able to reach the pear and tickle it.

I get in and the House elves attack me with all kinds of sweet.

"Oh Mister Crookshanks!" Dobby screams and starts patting me on the head, "You want some milk?"

Yuck, milk. I don't like anything that comes from a cow.

Cat milk is what I prefer. But that isn't always available so I often end up drinking water,

or apple juice.

I like apple juice, especially very cold apple juice.

I get brain freeze from that.

Well I ate and I ate until I was so sure that I was pushing the earth out of balance with my weight.

Somehow I was able to drag myself to the common room and jump onto the couch where I fell a sleep.

Dream:

_Suddenly a loud noise erupted._

_POP_

I flew off the couch in shock. God my worst nightmare!

An exploding cat.

Deciding that I wouldn't be able to fall asleep again I started brainstorming about how I could get Hermione to like Malfoy.

And how the heck I could get Malfoy to like her back.

That was probably the most difficult one, I mean he is heartless that one!

If I haven't lost any weight when this is done…

As the old term says: "If you can't lose it, belt it!"

I just need to get a belt.

Big sidetrack there, back to the brainstorm.

I could just keep on making them fall onto each other?

That could actually work.

Or I could make Dumbledore make them arrange a ball together.

(Dumbledore is so off his rocker that he probably will understand me)

(A/N No offence to Dumbledore! May he rest in peace)

That way they could have some quality time together…

And Hermione might start to like him better if he shows her how intelligent he is.

He better be intelligent or I will feed him to the Giant Squid, I know that it wouldn't help but it would at least make me feel better.

But what else could I do?

HA like I am going to tell you!

There has to be some mystery!

I think I might go and have chat with Dumbledore on the way,

Maybe meet up with Mrs. Norris or something…

See ya.

A/N: All right, 140 have read my story and only 4 have been decent enough to give me reviews…

(Well actually I've got 6 but the dumb computer doesn't want to show them to me for some dumb reason)

I WANT MORE! -Puppy dog eyes-. No wait -Kitten eyes- (sorry Crookshanks, forgot)

Anyways thanks to Hapi Djus and psycho4DUCKS, for the reviews.

Special note to:

Debbie: I'm sorry about that, I went through the first chapter and rewrote it a little so it should be a bit clearer as to why Crookshanks chooses Malfoy.

beachbabe12: Good to know that there are people who like my humour! Lol.


	4. Salads and Crackers

After I couldn't find Mrs. Norris anywhere I decided that I might as well go find Dumbledore and talk to him.

Of course that was better said then done.

I reached the gargoyle that was supposed to be the entrance to Dumbledore's office, but I quickly realized that I didn't know the password and probably couldn't pronounce it either.

"Miaw, miaw!" I said, to the gargoyle, which meant, "Come on you big stud, show some feelings for your fellow animals and let me in"

Noo! Did he… did he just _smirk_ at me?

God if I could only - OUCH!

Ouch Ouch Ouch Ouch!

All right, rule number one: never kick something made out of stone.

But guess what happened? Dumbledore himself came down to see what all the commotion was about. Bright man he is.

I quickly started asking him about my idea.

"Miaw, miaw miaw miiaw," I finish off looking pleadingly up at him.

"Hm, yes a ball could be nice," Dumbledore says.

He UNDERSTOOD me! What the heck is wrong with that man? "But why do you care?"

"Miaw?" I say the first thing that pops into my mind (which I am pretty sure that all of you know what means)

"Food?" Yep all of you guessed right, "Well alright then, but it doesn't look like you could need more food,"

I merely humpf at him and skip away

Yep, I am a skipping cat!

Good thing there isn't anything called gay cats because I would probably be considered as one with all my skipping. (A/N no offence to gay people!)

Maybe there are gay cats! But how would I know? The only two cats I know are female.

One maybe a bit of a drag queen, (come on, she turns herself into an old lady every once in a while that must be consider as some kind of drag)

Well I got tired of skipping and started walking calmly to the Great Hall.

Oh no, there comes Hermione.

"Crookshanks," she sequels and runs over to me picking me up (she must have been exercising with all those books) "Just the cat I was looking for!"

Oh great! I feel so important!

"I've come up with your diet plan," She folds out a piece of paper.

Well, cats can't read.

"Alright, Morning: salad" she reads as she realises that I can't read it myself

Are you sure that isn't a Ginny pigs' diet plan?

I can't survive with only salad!

"After that you get some cat crackers"

Oh yay.

"And then at noon you get some more salad,"

No. Way.

She is turning me into a bunny.

"And then in the evening you get both salad AND crackers!" She finishes of enthusiastically.

Jubii. I am thoroughly thrilled.

God that woman is going to kill me, and kill me slowly.

I have got to get away from her.

"And we are starting right now!" She says and drags me to the kitchens.

5 minutes later and I am still looking at that pathetic excuse for a salad.

It looks like it's alive, god I am not going to eat something moving!

There could be worms in it for all I know!

"Crookshanks either you eat it or you starve" Hermione says getting impatient.

Good point.

Might as well try it right?

YUCK! Gross! That was disgusting!

Hopefully the crackers taste better.

EWW! What is in those things! I am positive that I tasted carrots!

"Miaw!" I hiss at Hermione and walk offended out of the kitchen.

Later that evening as I am almost half asleep (meaning that I was wide awake) Hermione burst into the room looking a tad bit mad.

"Do you know what Dumbledore is making us do?" she asks

I quickly shake my head trying to look innocent.

"He wants us to arrange a ball!" She says outraged and throws herself on the bed.

"First he starts blabbing about a cat speaking to him," Hermione says

"Miaw?" I say trying to look surprised obviously not working.

"It was you wasn't it!" She screams and jumps of the bed pointing her finger accusingly at me.

"Miaw?" I say meaning "Who me?"

"I don't know how you did it or why but you did it!" She says stepping closer looking ready to kill.

Guess this is my que to go.

"Crookshanks get back here you filthy cat!"

-----

A/N: Aw you people are way to nice! Thank you all for the extra 10 reviews!

But I could always use more ;)

cheesie toasty :0), FlairVerona, Psycho4DUCKS, Lisa Ritchie, Snow Mouse and hyparly4sugar  
Thanks for the reviews!

Special note to:

IceBreakersKiss: Well who else would a cat that would rather be named Mrs. Norris side with?

Oh and those kind of cats are dangerous! You watch out it might go and attack your computer!

Loki Blacktrick: Thanks for the advice:)

Lil-Rabi: Yeah don't we all hope so?


	5. First step accomplished

Phew she's gone.

Right? You don't she her anywhere?

Sorry stupid question. I have been running away from that girl for at least an hour! Doesn't she get tired or something?

Well, all this exercise must have helped somehow, maybe I don't have to follow that ridiculous diet plan any longer!

Yeah! And I get to eat my normal junk food again!

Oh golden cookies, chocolate ice cream, deep-fried French fries, pumpkin pasties, Twinkies, caramel doughnut…

God I'm hungry now! Must have some food.

You watch out house elves because here I come!

"Miaw miaw miaw" I sing to myself,

"and a bit of pumpkin juice" Dumbledore joins in.  
Where did he come from?

He just keeps on getting weirder and weirder. Sometime, somewhere in a galaxy far far…

Woops sorry, I meant:

Sometime, somewhere he is going to blow up from all that weirdness.  
'Puff' and you have old Dumbledore whizzing around like a balloon.

Wheeeeez.

Hehe I can just imagine it.

"Got you!" suddenly somebody screams (s.s.s) and picks me up.

Which already there is giving pretty big clues on who it is.  
Who else is strong enough to carry me?

"Hermione!" I exclaim with a "miaw"

"Don't you miaw me!" Hermione says.

God that is disgusting! Like I would ever "Miaw" you! Sorry but I am not into Homo Sapiens!

"Come on, let's get going to the kitchens, it's time for Breakfast" Hermione says and starts walking briskly again.

It's already morning? No wonder I was so hungry.

Ow, ow, OW! Woman let me go!

She should take a lesson in holding a cat properly! This just hurts.  
Oh god, I don't think my stomach can take this.

We stopped?

It seems like every time I am almost giving up or something we reach the destination.

NO! I am not going to eat that again!

"Miaw, miaw!" I say helplessly (Meaning "Dobby, save me!")

"Sorry, Dubby can't" Dobby says appearing with a plate full of French fries for Hermione, "Dobby will go iron his ears alright?"

He understands me too? What has this world come to?

"Miaw" I say meaning, "Yeah go do that"

Nah I'm kidding! I am not that mean to people!

"Dobby shall not do it then," Dobby says looking relived,

I start playing a bit with the salad.

Oh! Guess what I found! God I love Dobby!

He hid a cookie in the salad for me!

Sweet old bugger!

---

Hermione and I walk back to the common room, but guess who we bumb into?

Dumbledore? Nope

Hagrid? Nope

Santa Claus? Come on I know you people ain't that stupid!

You want me to tell you who? (And the crowd goes nuts "Yeeeaaaah")

All right, Draco Malfoy is who.

Haha, this should be interesting.

"Ferret"

"Mudblood"

The too of them say and walk past each other.

I've gotta do something… quick think!

I quickly start jumping over to Malfoy.

Now I'm sure, Hermione has turned me into a bunny!

Well I jump over to him and with a final big amazing jump (And the crowd goes nuts again as Crookshanks the mighty makes his final jump "Yeeeaaaah")

And take the book he was reading.

Smart cat I am right?

Of course then I run back to Hermione who isn't that far away so I just about make it without having to take a break.

"Hey you stupid cat!" Malfoy yells and runs after me, "Give me my book!"

He sounds a bit like a spoiled rich kid doesn't he?

"Miaw, miaw?" I ask meaning "Or what? You gonna tell your mommy?"

"No I am going to break your neck!" Malfoy answers.

Another Catseltongue! How many of these are there in this castle?

"Granger! Get your cat to give me my book!" Malfoy screams at Hermione who is leaning against the wall looking fairly amused.

"Why should I?" She asks. Yeah you go Hermione!

"If you don't want your cat turned into squid food I highly recommend that you do something!" Malfoy said giving Hermione his 'Death Glare of dooom'

Sorry, it just sounds so more dramatic with a "Of doom" don't you think so?

Well anyways, though I truly do no want to be turned into any kind of food I kept the book and ran as fast as I could outside. Why outside? I have no clue.

Both Malfoy and Hermione were following but for very different reasons.

Malfoy wanted his book and Hermione wanted some entertainment.  
And of course she wanted to be there to save me if anything happened. A cat can hope right?

So those two following me I ran to the Lake. But that of course reminded me of Malfoy's threat of turning me into squid food and I panicked.

I saw them coming closer and I panicked even more.

I did the only reasonable thing a cat could do in these situations, I got rid of the evidence.

Meaning I threw the book into the lake and tried to look innocent at Malfoy hoping he wouldn't notice anything.

"Why you little!" Malfoy yelled and turning to his violent side he threw me into the lake! With a spell of course, he would just exhaust himself by doing it with his hands and not a wooden stick.

"Miaw!" I hissed; I hate getting wet!

Oh shit! I can't swim!

Help! Somebody Help me!

Oh there comes my rescuer! Malfoy just dived into the Lake!

Nope he is looking for his book. Oh and there comes Hermione to rescue me.

No. Way.

She is helping him find the book!  
I thought she was obsessed with books but come on!  
That's just a pinch too much!

Well since Malfoy didn't throw me that far into the lake, I realized (after much splashing and screams of "Miaw" meaning "I can't swim") that I could reach the bottom and easily got myself on land again.

With a quick embarressed look around seeing if maybe Mrs. Norris or that Dog of Hagrids' saw my 'scene' I quickly shook my self trying to 'shake' my fur to dry. It always seemed to work for Lassie?  
Trying to forget about my last thought I turned to the two people in the lake.

I can't believe Hermione! Thanks for nothing!

But aww aren't they sweet.

Looking for a book together.

You can just see them bonding!

Well step 1 in my Mission Cat freedom is finally accomplished.

---

A/N: So, fifth chapter done! What do you think?

Oh and thank you for all the reviews!

**Osilus**, **FlairVerona**, **IceBreakersKiss**, **XXDarkest AngelXX** and **Crystal Koneko** for the reviews!

Special note to:

**IceBreakersKiss**: Well, Malfoy is starting to rub off on poor Hermione lol.

And at last: Review please!


	6. The cat starts thinking

How dare he? I mean really how DARE he?

You know Hagrids dog Fang right? The old ugly piece of carpet?

He chased me! Like it was some ordinary cat-dog thing!

But guess what! I am not an ordinary cat now am I!

I am going to give him piece of my mind!

… As soon as he falls asleep…

I'm not a coward it's just... ehm… I have a very good reason er…  
I just can't think of it right now!

Stupid dog.

I think all Animals except for cats hate me! Some owls too! I don't really think Owls should be counted as animals… they are just too dumb!

Alright maybe not dumb but they are certainly attention seekers!  
Yep that's it, attention seekers! Showing off like "Uuh I can fly to Greenland and back again!"

Oh yeah well I can eat for 2 days straight but does anybody give a damn? Nooo they just put me on a diet.

I feel so… so misunderstood again. No catseltongue to make me feel better.

I think I want to go and have a chat with somebody. Malfoy maybe, see what he is doing.

Maybe scratch him a little, he threw me into the lake remember?

---

I can't find him anywhere!

I've searched the Kitchen (and took a little break there too of course but didn't get anything but salad, stupid house elfs), the astronomy tower (my paws still hurt from that), the great hall, The Lake; I even searched the damn bathroom on 4th floor!

Well, maybe I ought to take a break. Take a little nap in the common room.

The couches in there are just dreamy!

I got through my cat "door" that Dumbledore made in the Painting for me and got inside.

No way! Shit I feel stupid! Of course Malfoy is in here.

Where would he else be? Stupid stupid cat brain, not big enough for any kind of logic…

"Crookshanks," Malfoy says and cuts me off from my thoughts.

"Miaw, miaw miaw" I say, ("Malfoy, how nice to see you")

"You're not going to take my book away again are you?" Malfoy asks almost threateningly.

"Miaw! Miaw miaw" I say meaning "No! I just came to have a little chat"

"Aha" Malfoy says giving me bit of a strange look.

I jump up on the couch and make my self comfortable.

"miaw, miaw miaw" I say ("I saw you two getting awfully close today")

"There is nothing between me and H-Granger you," Malfoy sneers.

"Miaw," I say almost smiling because of my brilliance ("I never said there was,")

But of course cats can't smile, it's quit sad actually, the only thing I can do that will show if I'm happy is purr like I've got something up my throat. I mean I am not going to start the tail thing, that's for dogs.

"Stupid cat!" Malfoy says trying to hide his embarrassment.

But I see straight through that boy! Oh and his cheeks are a bit more skin coloured then usually.  
He doesn't go red; he just looks more human when he blushes.

Cats don't blush either. We cats don't really show any feelings do we? There's too much fur in the way… It's only humans who show their weaknesses. Poor human, I've heard that 99 percent of what they say is body language.  
It must be hard to always being have to "read" the person before you.

Like "I'm a teapot!"  
They have to analyse that, is it a happy statement?  
Or is it a sad statement.

And of course they have to check if the person before them really is a teapot or if the person maybe just being sarcastic. Yes it happens, sometimes (though very rarely) that the person was being sarcastic and therefore is not a teapot.

Dum dada dum dum dum dum dum dada dum.

Once again I start huming James Bond as I leave poor Malfoy to his thoughts.

May the force be with him.

Dum dum dum dum

You may not see the difference but that was the Darth Vader theme melody. Just to add in on the drama of course.

Well what to do now?

Eat?

No, I don't want salad or carrot crackers.

Uh I know! Trelawney was always so nice to me! And she has REAL crackers! With chocolate in them! Wait, that's called cookies then right? Hm… must think a bit about that one…

But off we go to see the crazy old bat.

(A/N Think of a Film Noir while reading this)

I slowly walked down the hall, dreading when I would reach the stairs.

Those big mean stairs.

If only I could somehow catch them doing anything wrong

But I knew, it was impossible, those stairs would never do any thing beside trip people when I wasn't looking.

I reached the stairs giving them a distrustful look before I carefully started climb the stairs.

One step, two steps

(A/N You can stop now with the Film noir, really it is up to you)

AHA! Didn't get me there now did you! Stupid staircase like I would be tricked that easi---ARRGH

Damn it! Now I have to start again!

Bloody stairs I mumbled with of course a double 'Miaw'.

After a few more (6… okay not true, 8 is more the number...) falls down I finally reached the top very much bruised.

Ow, ow, ow

It hurts even when I walk!

Luckily Trelawney had her stair down so I could climb up into her classroom/office.

"Miaw!" I call when I reach the floor.

"Oh Crookshanks! I had a feeling that you would be coming," She says giving me a warm smile.

I'm not much better then Hermione when it comes to Divination. I actually think she's right thinking that it's rubbish.

I mean you just can't see somebody's future by looking at a teacup!

That just isn't possible.

"Miaw, miaw?" I say trying to start a conversation.

"You want milk?" Trelawney says and pats me on the head,

Noo! Damn I was getting so used to people understanding my rubbish!

I shake my head to tell her no but she of course doesn't get it.

"Alright kitty I'll go get you a big bowl of milk," She coos "Yes I am, yes I am"

Ugh, that is just scary.

I always had a phobia for Baby talk.

I mean I almost scream from horror when somebody starts "Here kitty kitty here kitty kitty" with that low voice and start slowly walking towards me… it's just a teeny bit frightening don't you think?

Well as soon as the old bat turned around I ran as fast as I possible could (trying not to notice the slug moving faster then me…) but well, I ran without Trelawney noticing and that is something to be proud of right? Right?

Uh lets just drop it,

Well, finally I reached the common room once again, this time it wasconveniently empty.

And since I am so sweaty after all that 'running' and I still smell from falling into that lake I think I am going to take a "bath" if you know whatI meanand I really want some privacy

So, buh-bye now.

* * *

**A/N**: So, you like? I actually think it's just a teeny bit longer then usual right? Well I've been sick today so had a bit more time to write.

Thanks to **Crystal Koneko**, **irishpiratess**, **jjp91**, **psycho4DUCKS**, **Lena** and **Snow Mouse** for reviewing!

Special note to:

**Lena**: Thanks for the advice! No wonder I thought it looked a bit wrong…

**Irishpiratess**: of course after all I'm a genius! Or somewhere near that…

**jjp91**: Well have you have considered that it might be trying to fetch the mail man for you and not just chasing him? Lol Nah I'm kidding, but you can't blame good old Crookshanks for not liking dogs now can you? It's his natural instinct… or something like that

Review! -**Boogie**


	7. The Duck and The JellO

Disclaimer: I do not own anything you recognise, not even the Green Jell-O or the duck,

* * *

Suddenly in the midst of the Great Hall a duck walked by.

I of course having nothing else to throw at it threw my green Jell-O without thinking.

I mean I don't even know why I did it… Maybe it was just to prove that it really was there,  
It's just a tad bit strange having a duck walking around in the great hall don't you think?

Noo! My precious Jell-O! The only thing I've been able to sneak under Hermione's nose.

But the look on the face of that duck! Priceless.

"Quack quack!" It quacked and gave me an angry look before hurriedly eating my precious and delicious Jell-O and then it almost flew (ducks can't fly right?) out of the doors giving me the wing.

It's not very nice to give somebody the wing. It's quit rude. Do you want to know what it means?

Hm? Do you?

Well it actually means… uh I can barely say it… alright it means… it means –sigh-  
This is hard… all right I am going to tell you now! It means… well quit frankly it means

Go Away.

Ugh I cannot believe you made me say it! It's the worst thing an animal can say to another!

THE WORST.

Some rude duck!

Oh my precious Jell-O! I am going to see if the ugly duckling missed a spot…

---

Once again I am sitting in the kitchen with Hermione waiting patiently for me to finish of my salad and crackers.

She is quit the owner actually! She replaced the carrot crackers with cucumber crackers.

I just can't bring my self to eat it; just thinking of it brings chills down my neck!

Well, in the end I ate it, all of it. The good thing was that I almost didn't taste it, just swallowed it hole. What else was I supposed to do with my empty stomach?

Eat a chair?

Quit an attractive idea,

---

It's in the evening just so you know.

I'm sitting on the coach in the common room watching Malfoy and Hermione work on the ball.

"What about a muggle themed ball?" Hermione asks, god she is going to get shot for that one!

"Muggle themed ball? That's a disgusting idea!" Malfoy says with disgust clearly written on his forehead.

"Well not nearly as disgusting as you ferret boy," She mutters under her breath, I just barely managed to catch it with my super power cat hearing.

"Well, I don't suppose you have any better idea?" Hermione asks annoyed,

Of course he does don't you Malfoy? Malfoy!

He is in need of some help.

"What about just a normal unthemed ball?"

Or not…Good one Malfoy!

"Why? Its so... simple," Hermione says.

"Yeah, that's the beauty about it, just clean and simple," Malfoy says with no emotion though I am sure I saw a very enthusiastic glint in his eyes, "no theme to disturb the students and so on,"

"Yeah," Hermione says thinking about it.

I'm positive that she likes it because that is exactly who she is, a simple girl with a good unthemed grade.

"We still need an orchestra or band or something that will play music," Hermione says accepting the idea.

"Miaw miaw," I mumble ("Yeah what about the sorting hat,") making Malfoy chuckle a little resewing an odd look from Hermione.

But that would maybe just make it a bit to themed right? Too much of the "Gryffindor's are brave, Ravenclaw's are Clever, Slytherin's are sly and Hufflepuff's are loyal" rubbish,

They finally decided on a traditional jazz band. Quit interesting choice don't you think?

Amazing what they can come up with together…

The decorations would be based on the winter since it was held right before Christmas Break (and as we all know Christmas is in the winter) The year limit was of course from 5th year and up.

What did they decide on besides that?

Can't think, too tired.

Yaaawn

----

Where am I? Noo! I've been KIDNAPPED! Help somebody! I'M BEING HELD HOSTAGE BY A… BY A…. by a blanket? Oh now I remember… must've fallen asleep in the common room last night… nervous laughter,

I think I'm going down to the kitchens to get my usual green piece of slimy goob.

Once again after the jumping up and down to reach the painting I get into the kitchen 'cat'ching (get it? lol)

The house elves in making breakfast for the students, fairly amusing

"Dobby get garlic!" "Paddy make butter!" "Sissa stir the soup"

The funny part is that they are yelling out directions to them selves…

"Miaw?" I say asking for some cookies.

"Oh no Crooky, only salad for you" Winky says placing the usual salad in front of me.

Might as well eat it…

I managed to just swallow it whole while watching the house elves make the breakfast.

They looked like chimpanzees in a zoo.

Really effective though,

---

I started walking down one of the halls on my way to the little sandbox.

Minding my own business I suddenly saw movement in the corner of my eye.

Curious as what it could be I turned around and saw another cat.

I neared it a bit and it did exactly the same.

It looked kinda funny with big orange frizzy fur.

It is smirking at me! Stupid cat!

I start walking away not wanting to end up in a catfight but the other cat did exactly the same!

"Copy cat!" I say to it with a miaw, not hearing what it was trying to say to me at the same time.

"What did you say again?" I ask (once again with a miaw) but the cat started talking just as I did resulting in me not hearing a feck of what he was talking about.

"Stop that!" I say but it does it again!

Ugh I am going to kick the son of a—

"Crookshanks come on, stop harassing the mirror!" Hermione says, "I need you to come with me,"

A mirror? Is that like another word for a copycat?

Oh well better rub it in!

"Miaw miaw!" I say to it meaning, "You mirror!"

Ha that'll show him!

---

A/N: I'm not really satisfied with this chapter, there doesn't really happen anything… Oh well, I'll try to make it more interesting with the next one!

Thanks to **beachbabe12**, **Mrs Pierre Bouvier**, **FlairVerona**, **sienna**, **Novacaine Junkie**, **musicalbballgal**, **Bonnie**, **psycho4DUCKS**, **RazorbladeRomance**, **jjp91** and **Swimming-Gal **for reviewing!

Special note to:

**Novacaine Junkie: **Having the same humor as you is a good ting? (Kidding) Anyways, hope you didn't hurt that arm of yours too much, it makes me almost proud of my story that you would go through so much pain just to read it… èg sé það! Hehe sjáumst ;)

**Jjp91:** Of course Draco understands cats! His family must have some kind of special ability right? Catseltongue is just perfect! Lol

**Psycho4DUCKS: **So sorry if I offended you with the duck but remember Crookshanks doesn't really like any other animals, it doesn't really even like himself as you can see from the "mirror scene"! Well hope you liked it nonetheless! This was all in your honour! Hehe :P

**Bonnie: **That makes the two of us…

Review! -Boogie


	8. Step 3

So all right, I'm walking down to visit good old Fang.

I have the best idea for revenge. I am sooo not one of those cats who forget very easily,

Anyways I finally mange to reach the tiny hut that the he lives in. (poor dog... almost makes you pity him)

He of course having his dog sixth sense senses me rather quickly and starts barking like mad.

"Yeah yeah come and get me and all that" I say not really in the mood, not really realising that the dog probably didn't understand my series of miaws.

But nonetheless he chased me all the way to the lake where I tricked him into jumping into the lake.

"Ha! That'll teach ya!" I miaw and run back to the castle laughing.

Poor dog, maybe I went to far?

Nah he deserved getting wet!

Oh well besides planning this awful revenge I've planned step 3 in my mission.

Step 3: Snogging session.

Snogging is some thing the humans do to bond right? The things you do to bond...

I don't know how I'm going to fulfill the step but I'll just go with The Flow like always.

Power to the Flow

---

So I've found Hermione and Malfoy in the common room, surprisingly they weren't fighting.

They were sitting around the fire, Hermione in one of the chairs and Malfoy lying on the couch.  
Both reading a book.

Crookhanks Malfoy doesn't sound that bad does it?

No wait, my surname doesn't change if she marries him does it?

Darn, I was getting so used to the idea.

Agent Malfoy…

Oh well,

"PANSY IS COMING! RUUUUN!" I miaw very closely to yelling. (cats don't yell)

Malfoy jumps up with panick etched in his face.

"She is?" He asks white as a sheet,

"Follow me! Bring Hermione too!" I scream and run out with a very small glance back seeing Malfoy leading Hermione holding her by the wrist.

"What's going on?" She screams,

"You better shut her up," I miaw to Malfoy

"How?" He asks panicking

"Uhm... Kiss her! That'll shut her up!" I miaw,

And he did! Some panic he was in, he must really be afraid of Pansy, though I don't blame him… shudders.

Well, I was actually planning on locking them in a broom closet but this is working much better…

Like I said the Flow hasn't turned me down yet and it doesn't look like it ever will.

Power to the Flow! Flow Power!

Yeah, that sounds good.

Well better give the two lovebirds some privacy.

I cannot wait until Malfoy realizes what he's doing, and that I tricked him.

Ha! I a little (alright might fat but that's beside the point) cat tricked the mighty Draco Malfoy.

I feel so proud of myself! I think I'm going to the kitchens and celebrate!

Even though I'll only get salad and crackers, maybe I can make an almost attractive dish if I blend it together?

Or not…

---

A/N: So sorry for the short chapter! But at least something happened eh? Well, I am almost running out of ideas here… Anyone with any crazy/weird ideas for this please tell me!

Thanks to **Novacaine Junkie**, **sienna**, **Blackness Angel**, **FlairVerona**, **musicalbballgal**, **psycho4DUCKS**, **RazorbladeRomance** and **Snow Mouse **for the reviews!

Special Note to:

**Novacaine Junkie:** I sincerely hope then that you wont hit the "wrong bone" again! Lol

**Sienna: **God your right! Lol! Maybe it's just something House Elves use? Nah, it's probably some typo from Rowling's side... sheez you'd think she would be able to "stay in the universe" lol

**psycho4DUCKS:** Thank you for telling me that ducks can fly… I already knew that just wasn't really thinking when I wrote it down… Ah who am I kidding? I'm as dumb as a door. Well I'm going to blame Crookshanks for being the dummy; he's the one who was thinking it!

**RazorbladeRomance: **I want to be a genius too -Pout- well, maybe I should just leave that to you and Dumbledore with is "All-powerfullness" hehe.

Review! -Boogie


	9. Mrs Norris' dirty affair

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or anything related to it

A/N: Oh my god! I just realised I haven't mentioned Ron or Harry in the last... what 7 chapters? Unbelievable!

And the rubbish will start riiiight NOW!

----

It's been a strange day.

Malfoy and Hermione have been totally ignoring each other.

Or maybe not totally, they keep giving each other short glances for then quickly look away and blush, okay, Malfoy doesn't really blush. It's not his thing. Though I swear I saw his skin look human for a second!

----

Hermione has been going nuts on grooming my fur.

Ginny is helping her, that girl has some rough hands! She can't do anything carefully or gently.

Oh what did I expect? She's the only girl amongst what 30 boys? Cats can't count.

"So what's up with you lately?" Ginny asks Hermione while she ties a particularly tight braid making me hiss.

"I'm fine!" Hermione says just a teeny bit too defensively.

"Tell me!" Ginny orders, ever heard the curiosity killed the cat? Well I don't really want to be killed now do I? Humans, never listen, "Has it anything to do with the Head Boy?"

"NO!" Hermione yells for then to blush once again,

I swear she is related to a tomato...

"It is about Malfoy!" Ginny sequels, "What did you do? Kiss?

Of course Ginny starts laughing at her own joke but stops after seeing Hermione blush an even darker red.

"No you didn't!" Ginny says disbelieving.

"He came on to ME!" Hermione says, "Stupid prick"

"You got kissed by the sexy slytherin?" Ginny says, "You lucky girl!"

"No! I do not want to be a lucky girl! He shouldn't have kissed me."

"Did you break it off then?"

Again Hermione blushes, more then humanly is possible and mutters a soft no incoherent for normal people.

But remember I've got my super power hearing.

"What?" Ginny asks proving my point that Humans don't have very good hearing,

"No alright? I didn't break it off" Hermione says suddenly angry,

I think I'm going now; I do not want a mad woman grooming my fur,

"You liked it!" Was the last thing I heard before I turned to my ability to sneak and sneaked out of the room. I'm a sneaky little chess board, as all of you know.

…

I walked around the castle looking for Mrs. Norris; I haven't "talked" to her for ages!

Better look for Peeves first, she's always around him, because well she is supposed to find troublemakers right? And Peeves is as big as my tummy when it comes to troublemaking! (And that is pretty pretty big!)

Once again I couldn't find her, where the heck can she be?

Maybe I should check the m-map.

If Scarhead is going to lend it to me…

I might have better luck finding him, he's just one of those you'll find in a second.

What did I say? There he comes.

But he doesn't understand me does he?

"May I borrow your map?" I maiw.

Surprisingly he answers.

"Hiss hiss hiss" He hisses. Forgot that he was a parseltongue.

I think that is the stupidest and most annoying tongues you can have.

I mean hiss? Miaw or even quack is much better!

Snakes… never liked them.

I let him walk by and decided to just take the map and put it back after using it.

Scarhead will never realise I took it.

---

Humming the theme of Mission Impossible as quietly as I could I creep into the Gryffindor common room.

Dududu dududu

Slowly I sneak past the students not one noticing me, but of course my luck wasn't about to last.

"Look! A Kitty cat!" One of the first years suddenly exclaims, "Here kitty kitty"

All right, I admit it I panicked.

I gave one very squeal-like miaw and run up the stairs to the boy's dorm like my tail was on fire.

Well at least it sped things up a little.

Which one is Harry's?

Ah there it is, surprisingly it's the mosttidy bed of them all. No clothes everywhere or anything of the sort. I'm starting to think maybe he is the gay one?

Oh well, where could the map be hiding?

Stupid boy, he hid it under his pillow! The most obvious place of them all!

Oh well, can't blame the boy for not having any brains, maybe the scar is where it all leaked out?

That could maybe be the answer! When The "Dark" lord tried to kill him when he was 1 the spell must somehow have made his brain go out through a lightning shaped opening. Now that was what hit Voldemort in the head, he just couldn't handle touching such unintelligent brian.

Maybe a bit farfetched but come on! It does make a bit sense now doesn't it?

Well grabbing the map I ran out to find a more private place to study it.

The private place ended up being inside the transfiguration classroom.

I crawled up on the desk and unfolded the map.

But then it hit me I can't pronounce the password!

"I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good" I try and meow.

It worked? That was strange; one of those marauder guys must have been a catsletongue

Oh well, where's Mrs. Norris…

There's Dumbledore… in the girls' bathroom? With… no! With McGonagall? Ew, sick!

There she is! Mrs. Norris forth floor, what is Fang doing there too?

Oh I must go and save her!

Galloping out of the classroom I felt fear start making it self known.

Hehe sounds a bit dramatic now doesn't it?

Oh well, finally I reach the Fourth floor only to be meet with the most horrifying sight anybody could imagine.

A cat and a dog kissing… (Credit to Sienna)

Impossible maybe but that was what they were doing,

"Miaw miaw!" I half yell ("I am scarred for life!")

Mrs. Norris jumps away from Fang and looks very guilty at me,

"How could you!" I miaw angry, "After all I've done!"

"I'm sorry!" Mrs. Norris meows looking very guilty and sad, "but I'm Happy with Fang,"

"Noooo!" I miaw as loudly as a cat can miaw, I've just lost both my female cats… I feel so hurt, so used, so...misunderstood!

And there isn't any catsletongue to make me feel better… sobs.

Better find Malfoy quickly, sob before I commit suicide from all of this depression and despair and desolation and dejection and despondency … and a lot of other D words! (Don't know if all of those mix together, just looked up some intelligent looking words starting with a D. lol)

I leave melodramatically, skipping down the hall to the kitchen.

Reaching the kitchen I get myself a bottle of cow milk (Showing how far out of it I am)

Sitting down at the table besides a very depress looking Malfoy.

"Rough day?" Malfoy asks

"Yeah," I miaw taking a swig of the white liquid moodily

---

**A/N:** All right, I'm not sure if swig is the right word, oh well hope you liked it!

Thanks to **Novacaine Junkie**, **Zidra**, **psycho4DUCKS**, **Blackness Angel**, **sienna**, **musicalbballgal** and **FlairVerona** for the reviews! You guys rock!

Special note to:

**Novacaine Junkie:** So my dear relative good luck with your story! May the Humour be with you!

**Sienna:** Yeah, that hair really irritated me too! I mean he may look pretty good with it; it just didn't fit in the character. Can't wait for the fourth movie! Though I've seen from trailer that Harry and Ron's hair is going to be worse then Malfoy's in the third movie… their style is so… uhm shall we say seventies? Lol. Thanks for the very crazy and useful ideas! Don't know what I should have done without you! If you ever think of more ideas please do share lol

**FlairVerona:** Well he's a catsletongue, meaning he understands the meaningless miaws and meows that cats use to communicate with. He got it from his father who got it from is father who got it from his father…I think you catch my drift.

**psycho4DUCKS:** Aww thanks! –Blushes-.

Review! -**Boogie**


	10. The poor head

Ouch my head! My poor pretty little head!

Knew I shouldn't have had so much milk! And cow milk for heavens sake! Had it been cat milk I would have been able to handle it, but cow milk!

AAAAH

I hate cow milk!

Bloody cows! Can't they find something else to produce then that? I mean, can't they just be satisfied that humans eat their flesh? There's no need to give them something to drink too!

And you know what really is unfair with cows? The only thing I envy them for having?

Four stomachs! Not one, not two not even three but F-O-U-R!

It's crazy! And what do they use those them for? Storing grass! Grass! That ladies and gentlemen is what I call desperate!

Oh well, might as well go look for Mrs… NOO! Snif, she's with _Fang _now.

Aw my day just seems to get worse and worse.

Where is a bottle milk when you need it? I don't care if it's cow right now, just as long as it's cold!

Stupid Norris, I don't think I like that name any more!

Fang can have her for all I care! Humpf!

Oh my broken heart! I think I'm going to stay in bed all day and sulk!

Yes and I am going to start right now!

Sulk, sulk…

----

Sulking isn't always what it's cut out to be…

So I stopped and am now on my way to return the marauders map back to Harry.

And maybe see if I can find Hermione and Malfoy, it's been a while since I've pestered them…

So after returning to the Transfiguration classroom to get the map I started to walk up to the Gryffindor tower.

But first I just couldn't resist but take one last look on the map.

Well, Mrs. Norris and Fang's dots area bit too close..

Bad mental images!

Oh, now I at least know where Malfoy is now.

I returned the map (of course humming a homemade mix of Mission impossible and James Bond. I'm very proud of it. it goes like this: dum dada dum dum. Get it?) and started to walk to the hallway I had seen Malfoy in.

"Oi Malfoy!" I miaw when I finally find him. He's going through his bag, looking for a cookie probably… I hope he'll share…

"Not you again," He says aggravated and looks up.

"What do you mean?" I ask with of course a series of miaws and a very convincing Innocent face.

Or at least as innocent as a cats face can be.

"What do you want?" He asks not bothering to answer my question. Rude.

"Have you seen Hermione?" I ask

"No! And there is nothing going on between us!" He says rather quickly and defensively. Poor chap, he's getting a bit delirious.

"Calm down! I just wanted to know if you've seen her," I say with one miaw. It's amazing what you can cram into one miaw isn't it?

"Oh, uhm no" Malfoy says flushing into a pretty skin colour.

I've never seen him look more human. This sure is a Kodak moment.

"Hehe" I laugh at him with a big cheeky smile, "So, where are you going?"

"Class" Malfoy mutters obviously trying to get away from me.

"Oh which one?" I ask.

"Potions," He says starting to head into that direction, but of course I just follow him.

Potions, potions. Hermione is in that class too right? Probably, they always seem to have potions together. All I have to do is wait outside planning something clever and start step 4!

Yay! So much fun!

---

**A/N:** So terribly sorry for the short chapter! But I was determined on writing something today so, small or not it's still an update right?...nervous laughterdon't kill me.

Thanks to: **RazorbladeRomance, psycho4DUCKS, Novacaine Junkie, Swimming-Gal, FlairVerona and musicalbballgal** for the reviews!

Special note to:

**RazorbladeRomace:** I'll make sure they snog a little longer just so you have more time! Lol.

**Psycho4DUCKS:** Lol, I don't know. I was bored. I'm surprisingly creative while I'm bored…

**Novacaine Junkie:** Aww you're so sweet! You're going to review ALL my chapters:P

**Musicalbballgal:** Oh darn, didn't think about that one… huhm… just uhm visualize him using both paws… lol.

Review! **–Boogie**


	11. The Cat, The Witch and The Broom closet

Alright, I do not have a plan… I soo do not have a plan!

And their class ends in… 5 MINUTES!

Oh Merlin I'm bad at this! No flow to help me now!

No wait that's it! I'll go with the FLOW!

Flow power!

Oh well here they come…

There goes Scarhead, Carrot top, Fat guy, another fat guy…

Ah there they are!

"Miaw!" I miaw meaning "Malfoy! Hermione!"

"You're still here?" Malfoy asks annoyed.

"Aww not happy to see me?" I miaw with a big smirk, or at least I try to smirk.

"No," He says and receives an odd glance from Hermione.

"You're talking to my cat?" She asks

"Miaw," I say meaning "Yeah! He's a Catseltongue"

"She doesn't understand you stupid," Malfoy says giving me a glare.

"You're talking to my cat?" Herminone asks again.

"Yeah," Malfoy says and shrugs.

"You just keep getting weirder," Hermione mumbles and gives him another odd glance.

"I'm a catseltongue, I can't help it" Malfiy, ops I mean Malfoy says getting defensive.

"Catseltongue?" Hermione asks amused, "Don't tell me your dad is too!"

"What if he is?" Malfoy says looking pretty uncomfortable, like somebody found out his middle name was Clarence. I kind of overheard one of his conversations with his mum... hehe should have heard her "Draco Clarence Malfoy! You did not eat that cookie!"

Hermione starts one of her hysteric laughing thingies.

"Hahah Your haha d-dad is snort a catsletongue?" Hermione says looking like she can't breathe.

Poor girl her airways is blocked by laughter.

Malfoy gives her a disgusted look.

No wait, I think I saw amusement somewhere in there!

HA! Malfoy is getting just a teeeeeeny bit soft.

Hermione finally calmed down.

"So you like, have cats at your home?" Hermione asks with an occasional snort.

"We had a cat once," Malfoy says, "got killed by the toaster, one of the house elfs –Dobby I think his name was- bought one of them in a sale in some muggle store. He didn't know what it was for so naturally he put the cat in it. Stupid elf"

"Aww, you had a pet?" Hermione asks with a giggle.

"No, he was merely an uhm… an acquaintance, yeah acquaintance" Malfoy says once again looking very human if you ask me.

"hehe you had a pet," Hermione stats with yet another giggle. Gee what did Snape slip into her potion?

Ah a broom closet…

A Broomcloset! I've got an idea.

Somehow, I don't really get how but somehow I got them into the broomcloset.

I've heard Dumbledore put a locking charm on the broom closets so the students wouldn't get too friendly in there… well guess they'll be in there for some time…

Muahahaha.

I am such an evil cat don't you think?

"Crookshanks!" I hear Hermione scream from inside the closet.

Better get going.

---

After my lunch of salad I got bored.

No cookies to keep me occupied.

And I am NOT going up to visit Trelawny again.

I think I'm going to see if I can find some fellow cats somewhere.

Maybe Hagrid is hiding some… yeah that would be just like him…

So off I go, to Hagrid's shack.

When I was just a few meters from the front door Fang suddenly pops out with Dumbledore following him. Sheez that man is everywhere.

Oh well not wanting Fang to see me I jump behind one of those big pumpkins that Hagrid keeps in his backyard.

I back away from the shack and walk into the forest. Not far into it just so they can't see me.

OW! What the bloody hell was that!

Oh my, a car.

"Miaw miaw" I say ("Hello freaky blue car")

"Honk Honk" is that Herbie? Nah I'm just pulling your leg.

"Miaw!" I say ("It's rude to honk at stranger!")

"HONK!" It just honks looking just a bit smugly at me like it'schallenging me.

Well I know my odds of winning so I quickly scramble out of the woods and get back into the castle.

I am not a sissy so don't even think it!

You wouldn't go into a fist-fight with a CAR!

Firstly it doesn't have fists and second it's made of steel and thirdly (Yeah I have third reason!) it's just stupid to take on a car.

Might as well go unlock the broom closet so Hermione doesn't kill me…

OH! EEEEEW

I did so not want to walk on that! God, don't eat each other will you!

Yuck, humans…

"Miaw!" I say breaking them off resulting the girl slapping the boy and running off.

"Why did you do that?" Malfoy asks as he looks after the running Hermione.

"What, you wanted to kiss her?" I ask smugly trying to copy the smug look from the blue car I received just minutes ago. Not succeeding.

"Argh no!" Malfoy says looking disgusted, "Like I would kiss… oh shit I just did didn't I?"

I nod this time succeeding with the smug look hehe.

"DAMN IT!" Malfoy yells ruining the broom closet door before running off.

Hormones… really, don't they have medicine for that?

Oh well, I got them to kiss… I'm pretty proud of my self.

---

**A/N:** Soo what do you think? Like the "Kissing" scene? Haha bet you did!

Thanks to **Novacaine Junke, RazorbladeRomance, Hazelocean, sienna, Queen of Duct Tape, Snow Mouse, FlairVerona, ellie and musicalbballgal** for the reviews!

Special note to:

**Novacaine Junke:** I thought you read my story! Sheez! And with your new glasses and all! McGoogles is with Dumbledore! But I'm forgiving you this once… lol Oh and thanks for the spell checking! What would I do without you?

**Sienna:** Well I don't know how they kiss… Very philosophic question… lol. Why aren't you writing your own story with all those great ideas! But if you don't mind I just might use the Fluffy idea in my next chapter or the owl thing lol or just both? I'd like to see that picture lol. Btw I'm from Iceland (a teeny island besides Greenland, looks a bit like a dinosaur or something…) what about you?

**Queen of Duct Tape:** Oh no not the evil bubbles of death and doom! Starts typing furiously Better start that update now!

**FlairVerona:** Well all credit for that idea goes to Sienna. Yeah, maybe Crookshanks should take revenge? Thanks for the idea :D

**RazorbladeRomance: **I get to be second? Aww that's so sweet! I got them to snog again just for you! Better be greatful! Lol.

**Musicalbballgal:** Yeah! Or maybe just a special designed bottle for cats so they can grab it with just one paw?It's possible!.Review!

-**Boogie**


	12. Draco's point of view

A/N: I got a pretty good idea from one of the reviewers (FlairVerona) so this chapter will be in Draco's Pov.

Chapter is dedicated to my cousin…

---

Draco's P.o.v.

I hate that cat!

Stupid stupid orange fluff ball!

Orange fluff ball? What is happening to me!

Hogsmeade visit today, think I'm going to buy myself a new owl or something.

The other one somehow ended up in the washing macbine (Another buy from Dobby,) mahgine, majine oh whatever!

---

"So, like Gina Griffin and Daniel Dough are dating!" Pansy rambled on, "Really, they look so cute! But I sure do hope that Gina doesn't know what a cheat Daniel is,"

Goyle grumped making Pansy think he was listening.

Dumb head.

"That reminds me, Terry and Hannah broke up yesterday! It was so sad!"

Bloody hell doesn't that woman shut up?

"And I heard from Michelle who heard it from Louise who heard it from some girl in Hufflepuff that Fiona is cheating on Clark, but you didn't hear it from me!" Obviously not.

"Shut up Pansy" I say absently.

But of course she doesn't listen.

And I have a very short temperament.

So I end up throwing her and the two baboons out of the carriage, Blaise stayed up in the castle saying he would be busy.

Yeah Busy,

Chuckling I step out of the carriage and make my way into The three Broomsticks.

Nothing like a warm butterbeer in the middle of November.

"What can I help you with?"

"Just a butterbeer to go" I answer and wait.

Ah there's Her... uhm Granger.

With her two fellow dumb heads of course.

She looks so cute when she's cold…

Uhm… because she is suffering from the cold… yeah… that'll show her…

Oh well what did I come here for anyway? Oh yeah Owl… owl owl owl.

I grab the butterbeer and make my way out.

"Hello" I hear somebody miaw behind me.

Crookshanks.

"Crookshanks what the heck are you doing here?" I ask and turn around, like I anticipated the orange fluff ball is sitting right by my feet with that unbearable smirk on it's face.

I never knew a cat could smirk…

"What do you mean? I'm here with Hermione" it miaws with a bit more force on 'Hermione'

"Sure," I just say and start walking away, I am not going to let it trick me again!

"So how was the kiss?" It miaws.

I just ignore it and make my way into the pet shop.

Maybe they have dogs in there?

"They don't have dogs in there," Crookshanks tells me. Sometimes I think it can read minds…

Stupid cat.

Once again I just ignore it and start looking at the owls.

"So, you and Hermione going to meet up again?" The cat asks.

"NO!" I half yell earning quit the glances from the other costumers.

"Eh, the owl pooped on me?" I say trying to excuse myself and hurry out of the shop, maybe I should wait buying the owl until I'm able to get rid of the cat.

Ah there's Her- Granger,

"Ey Granger!" I yell after her,

"What?" She asks facing me with a glare.

"Can you make your cat leave me alone?" I say pointing at the fluff ball, which looks just a bit smug if you ask me.

"What? Not enjoying your conversations with it?" she asks with a giggle.

Sheez she is not going to forget that anytime soon is she?

"No it's annoying as hell," I sneer.

"Aww that hurt," The cat butts in,

"Yeah you shut up you fluff ball," I say.

"Fluff ball?" Granger asks with yet another giggle,

I roll my eyes at her and end up taking the cat up in my arms and half throw it to her.

That cat is heavy! Miracle that he hasn't made a whole in the ground to China.

"Ouff" Granger mumbles but catches him quit easily if you ask me.

"What are you feeding that thing?" I ask and rub my arm, think I dislocated it or something.

"It's on a diet for your information," Granger says proudly.

"Yeah she's turning me into a bunny," Crookshanks miaws and throws a glare at it's owner.

"Doesn't seem to be working," I say and walk off determined to buy that owl now.

"That was not a very nice thing to say!" Granger says offended and walks after me.

"Thank you," I mumble arrogantly.

"Crookshanks has been working very hard on that diet!" Granger says again stroking the cat.

She kind of looks like those evil masterminds when she's stroking it like that… scary.

"I bet it has," I answer.

If I agree maybe she'll go away.

"Don't you call him an it! He's a person!" Hermione says getting pretty worked up.

"Aww she thinks of me as a person," The cat miaws looking happy.

"Yeah, I see that," I say, just agree agree and agree

"Cats have just as much the right to be called he or she as humans do! You don't go around calling Goyle or Crabbe 'It' though they very much deserve nothing else but that's besides the point," Granger says starting one of her moral speeches.

"And what is the point?" I mumble.

"The point is that you wouldn't go around calling other people 'it'! Cats have rights you know! I bet that Crookshanks is very offended right now…"

And she just keeps on going,

I glance helplessly at the cat.

"Kiss her," It miaws almost incoherently.

No way. Not going to fall for that one again.

"Shut it Granger, save the speech for somebody who cares," I say

"Oh you arrogant, bigheaded conceited jerk!"

ARGH! That woman just won't shut up!

Fuck it might as well go with the cat.

So I kiss her.

Only to shut her up mind you!

I'm serious! Eh...

---

A/N: I am getting worse and worse at this, but oh well here's another update for you readers! Don't kill me if it's bad!

Thanks to: **Blackness Angel, issue101, psycho4DUCKS, FlairVerona, musicalbballgal, ellieo** for the reviews!

Special note to:

**Psycho4DUCKS: **Lol, I forgive you ;) Computers really can be annoying!

**FlairVerona: **All right, I tried to put it in Draco's pov. I'm just not sure if I like it, it's a bit rushed and so on. Hope you liked it though ;)

**Blackness Angel: **What about Hermione makes the move in next chapter? Would that make you Happy? Lol.

Review. -**Boogie**


	13. Hermione's point of view

**A/N:** Since I did it in Draco's point of view I thought "Might as well do it in Hermione's too,"

But after this chapter I think I'm just going to stick with Crookshanks' p.o.v.

---

Malfoy that pretentious, dense jerk!

How dare he kiss me AGAIN?

Really, it's the third time and I whish he just would stop it already!

_No you don't_

Who said that?

Sheez, no privacy I tell you!

Not even from my own mind! If I want to believe that I want him to stop then I have every right to.

I quit like being in denial!

…

See, I'm just peachy!

I think I'm going to go to the kitchens and have some cookies.

Yes… cookies and ice cream would do great now.

Maybe I shouldn't, I mean it sounds just a bit wrong. Poor Crookshanks isn't allowed to have any cookies or ice cream because of me maybe I should just get myself a carrot or something…

_You're not the one on a diet_

The voice in my mind says. And it's quit right mind you… but still… (A/N:HA! Get it? "Mind you":P sorry too much sugar)

_Just get your self that damn cookie!_

Yeah yeah, all right then!

Of to the kitchens I go! No need to get rude!

---

Mmmm coooookiiies….

If I don't turn as fat as Crookshanks after this then I think I am going to start believe in Merlin!

Yeah, only He can do things like that! All power to Merlin!

Oh oh… crookshanks caught me…

"Hello Crookshanks," I say nervously fiddling with my last piece of cookie, "Had a nice sleep?"

"Miaw!" He says looking fairly offended and walks out with his nose high in the air.

Oh boy, he is so not going to forget this. Cats don't forget (or forgive) that easily.

Suddenly I don't want more cookies (it's a miracle! Hallelujah!)

I've gotta think of something to make him happy again.

But there's only one way.

I'll be forced to take him off the diet.

I can't do that! He'll die from a heart attack! Or something more dramatic!

"Look who's stuffing their face with cookies," Malfoy steps in through the entrance (duh, where would he else step in?)

"Sod off Malfoy," I say and throw him my dirtiest glare.

Oh yes it is very dangerous indeed, you can just see Malfoy waver under it's power!

Or is it just because I just threw my last cookie after him.

"No need to get violent," He says and sits at the table in front of me.

"What do you want?" I ask sceptically.

"We still need to talk about the ball," Malfoy says like it's obvious.

Merlin he looks good… Er… ha! I was kidding?… nervous laughter

"Oh yeah," I mumble, "What's left?"

"Uhm, band and food I think" Malfoy responses after looking at a long piece of parchment.

"Okay, which band do you think should play?" I ask going straight to business

"What about the Charming Chains?" Malfoy asks after a lot of thinking.

"The ghost band? Are you sure it's a good idea?"

"Yeah yeah, we'll jus have ghostbusters or something nearby."

Ghostbusters? Do they even exist here?

Oh well, let's just go with whatever he says.

"Alright then, food?" I say moving to the next topic.

"What about just the usual chicken and pumpkin juice?"

We talked and talked and talked and talked... for about 5 minutes more.

We actually had a civil conversation! Malfoy can be quit nice when he wants to.

But of course when we started to walk back something happened.

We started arguing.

"Oh you jerkit is perfectly clear that apples are better then oranges!"

"Stop arguing, you know just as well as I that Oranges are best" He says and turns around to face me, "Oranges have the perfect orange colour, you can make orange juice of it and you can… er.. it somebody with it! Now with appels…"

He is so close!

I can't take it! I really can't!

"For heavens sake shut up," I say leaving him shocked as I move in for a kiss.

He did it to make me shut up! Why can't I then?

I'm a hypocrite I know…

Aww he's such a good kisser!

"Knew you wanted me," He mumbles through the kiss

"Don't flatter your self," I mumble back.

---

**A/N:** So very sorry for the "late" update and the short chapter! I didn't get to post it yesterday…

Thanks to: **Blackness Angel, Queen of Duct Tape, musicalbballgal, applebee, Nova, IceBreakersKiss, beachbabe12, Snow Mouse, FlairVerona, Hermione-Granger-420, sienna and Novacaine Junke** for the reviews!

Special note to:

**Novacaine Junke:** Yes, I am oh so very sorry for keeping you here so you couldn't review on my story:P

**Sienna:** Aww, I can't see the pictures, it just says http:storage. Do you have an email or msn?  
And he did kiss her! I've rewritten the last few sentences so it's clearer that he does. And about the owl poop, do you really think the owl would've dared? Hehe

**Hermione-Granger-420:** You don't really like cliffhangers or anything of the sort do you? Lol, here's your update ;)

**FlairVerona:** Thanks; yeah I know it was a bit rushed. I mighttake a look at itsometime rewriting it a bit.

**Musicalbballgal:** Here you go! Hermione making the first move ;)

**Blackness Angel:** Well, it's McGonagall! Lol, poor Crookshanks thinks that she really is a cat and that she turns into a human every once in a while and not the other way around :P Oh and thanks for your review in "Unexpected" That was really sweet of you! I think I just might write a new chapter in it once I'm done with this story.

Review everybody! I'm trying to reach 100 reviews!

**-Boogie**


	14. Slap slappity slap slap

Slap Slappity slap slap

And that my ladies and gentlemen was a multiple slap from Hermione Granger.

Poor Malfoy does not seem happy.

Wonder what he did this time?

---

I am through with that diet! If you just think for one second that I'm going to eat more of that yucky salad then you have got another thing coming for ya!

Sheez I tell you!

This just sends me over the edge!

I uhm… wanted to see if the lousy diet helped and stepped on a weight that I found in my owners room.

The only bloody thing I lost was a week of no cookies or sugar or ANYTHING!

Arrrrgh! I cannot believe I didn't loose even just a kilogram or something like that!

This is outrageous! I am over it! I am going down to the kitchen and eat every bit of sweet stuff they have got in there!

And there is no way in bloody hell that anybody is going to stop me!

Raging on I walked determined down to the kitchens and burst through the portrait hole.

After tickling the pear of course I am not that violent (nor strong enough) that I would ruin a painting of a fruit bowl…

"Miaw meow miaw!" I miaw as loudly as I can ("I want some cookies and I want them NOW!")

"Aww you want your daily salad Kitty?" Winky asks cooing.

Instead of listening to her I make my way to where I know the cookies are and help my self to them.

Of course the House elves tried to stop me but my death glare effectively stopped them.

---

I'm stuffed.

I'm trying to take a nap on my bed.

Well technically my owner's bed but… it's mine too!

"Hey Crookshanks," Hermione says and walks in sitting next to me.

"Your so lucky being a cat!" She says and starts stroking my fur, "Not a worry in the world!"

Yeah… I am pretty lucky aren't I?

"No problems with a boy or well in your case a girl," Hermione said looking envious at me.

Maybe my life isn't that great… Mrs. Norris left _ME_ for a DOG for crying out loud.

"I mean what is Malfoy thinking goingaround kissing me like that?" Hermione says more to herself then me really, I'm just there to listen.

"And me kissing him," she keeps on, "And I just can't stop thinking about him, it is so frustrating!"

Seems like my mission is almost complete!

I think the next step is going to be "Getting them together"

My last step.

"I think I'm starting to dishate him…" she says looking thoughtful.

Dishate? Is that even a word?

"I think I actually like him," her staring out in space is quit creepy, "Oh my god! I like him!"

Phew she snapped out of the trance,

And she realised she likes Malfoy, brilliant!

"Oh thank you so much for listening to me Crookshanks," She says and gives me a small kiss on the head, "I'm officially taking you off the diet!"

YEEES!

I licked her cheek before I ran out to the kitchens.

Cookies, burgers, fries, doughnuts, gummy bears, ice cream…

Here I come!

---

**A/N:** I think I'm getting pretty close to the end of this story, about 2 or 3 chapters left… oh and sorry for the shortness of this one!

Thanks to: **Novacaine Junke, Sienna, Blackness Angel, Beachbabe12, Hazelocean, Musicalbbalgal, FlairVerona, ellieo, Queen of Duct tape and jjp91 **for the reviews!

Special note to:

**Sienna:** what is your email? I didn't get it. Anyways congratulations for being reviewer no. 107 lol! Hope you liked the chapter! Oh and yeah you should definitely try writing a fanfic! I'll be the first one to review ;)

**Novacaine Junke:** Aww I know my place is great :P

**Blackness Angel:** I'll try to update 'Unexpected' but not before I finish this one, I am determined to finish this one! It's going to be the first one I've ever finished, I mean I have never written more then 6 chapters in a story and here I am writing my 14. Chapter! I'm quite proud of my self.

**Queen of Duct Tape:** The giant pink wrapping paper! Noo please spare me! Take it on Crookshanks! Yeah just take it on the cat! I am so cruel...

**Jjp9:** Yeah except I'm like this 24/7… think of how I am when I _AM _on sugar high… shudders

Review! Next goal is 150!

**-Boogie**


	15. Chess Game

"Knight to E5" Malfoy says with a smirk.

Darn he is winning!

Just so you don't get too confused, Malfoy and I are sitting in th common room playing chess like a couple of oldfarts (or in my case cats).

Ah! I've found the perfect loophole!

Aha! Let's see how he is going to save him self from this!

I move my pawn to D4 takingout his Rook.

"Take that," I miaw triumpthly,

"What in the name of Merlin are you doing with my cat?" Hermone asks, sheez can't the woman learn to knock? She gave me quit the fright.

"Losing," I miaw and smirk at Malfoy who just gives me a glare.

"What does it look like? Bishop to H3"

"Just a second," Hermione says and rushes up to her bedroom and comes back with a camera.

"Say cheese" She says and takes a picture and laughs at my funny face.

My eyes! I hate it when she uses that thing! The flash is deadly I'm telling you!

"Bloody hell Granger!" Malfoy says rubbing his eyes, looks like I'm not the only one who thinks cameras are evil!

Hermione just laughs and walks out again, pretty pointless of her to just walk in and out again don't you think? She probably just wanted to see her dear draco.

"So what's going on between you two?" I ask and take out his knight.

"Nothing," He says but the look on his face is quit the opposite, "She's so frustrating;"  
He adds after a short while of silence. He's an easy nut to crack eh?

"How so?" I meow.

"Pawn to A2. She kissed me that's how," He says,

"You kissed her first remember," I miaw doing what I'm best at: Rubbing it in.

"I know but that was purely to get her to shut up" He says.

"What about the time in the closet," I ask, I'm getting closer I can feel it!

"That was different," He says not too confident.

"I think you like her," I say, ha this will hunt him for at least the rest of this day!

"No I don't like her, I can't like her. She's a m- she's a m- bloody hell!" He realizes.

Funny how they just need a little push.

"Checkmate," I say after moving my queen to C7.

I think I'll leave poor Malfoy alone with his thoughts for a while.

---

"Hello there," Minerva meows at me.

"Oh hello Minnie! Long time no see eh?" I miaw right back,

"Yeah, I've been busy with classes and so on," she miaws with a shrug.

"Why do you insist on turning your self into a human?" I meow curious.

"I don't know," She meows brushing me off.

That cat!

"I think I'm going to the kitchens, care to join me?" She meows changing the subject.

But really I don't care, she said kitchen… I think I'm in love!

"Yeah, hurry up. Last cat to the kitchens is a human!" I miaw and run off not noticing the look of amusement on Minerva's face.

---

**In the common room. No one's point of view.**

While Crookshanks was stuffing his face with various kinds of foods Hermione Granger was havinga civiltalk with Draco Malfoy.

"See, if you put just a tiny amount of Chinese grass into it then it'll have tenth the strength," Malfoy explained pointing at a picture in a book. (A/N: Chinese grass? Gods I am so creative don't you think?)

"Oh now I get it," Hermione said and gave him a smile, "But what if you put something less strong as Fanged Joles?" she already knew the answer but it was nice seeing him explain it, and of course she couldn't ignore that each time he got more wrapped up into the explanation he moved closer.

"Well, I would certainly keep that away from this potion if I were you," Malfoy said, "I would think you already knew that. Fanged Joles would result the potion to spit its contents everywhere."

"Ooh," Hermione said moving slightly closer to him.

"You knew all that already didn't you?" Malfoy asked with a small smile on his features.

"Oh well, can't really deny that can I?" Hermione said and smiled back, "It was just so fun listening to you explain,"

It was just then that they both realized really how close they were.

"Well glad I could entertain you," Malfoy said and bent his head down to hers into a kiss.

---

**A/N:** Alright before you say anything I have NEVER played chess and probably never will which means that I have no clue whatsoever what the rules are, so if the description of the chess game is uhm "Wrong" then let's just say that Wizards have different rules when it comes to chess. God I feel superior changing the rules like that lol. Anyways only about 1-2 chapter left so enjoy!

Thanks to: **Novacaine Junkie, Snow mouse, psycho4DUCKS, .Aurorablu., Blackness Angel, Sienna, jjp91, musicalbballgal,** and** ellieo** for the reviews!

Special notes to:

**Novacaine Junkie: **Green day til death eh? Anyways I've just realized that I might have spelled your name wrong in the other chapters! I am so sorry! I forgot the 'i' in Junkie! Again so sorry!

**Psycho4DUCKS: **Yeah school sucks; I mean we would be so much better without it! Who needs to know when train A meets train B if train A's speed is 45 miles per hour while train B's speed is 58 miles per hour and… oh god I'm just confusing my self here!

**Snow Mouse: **As I said before there are only about 2 chapters left.

**Blackness Angel: **Great! I'll be the first to review!

**Sienna: **I've sent you a mail ;) And yeah it's ending soon sad isn't it?

**Jjp91: **No way! You got your _HEADMASTER_ to scream 'Will you calm down'? Well I am awarding you the title for being most hyper of us two! Congratulations! Lol

-

-

Review! **-Boogie**


	16. A Sock Experience

I think I'm in love...

And no I'm not talking about my early crush on the brilliant muggle invention: the refrigerator.

Nor am I talking about my uh last week crush on the Chocolate chip cookie that Dobby gave me.

Nope I am talking about the cat with the rings around her eyes (beautiful rings if you ask me).

Minerva, my beautiful pussycat.

---Sorry our main character seems to be daydreaming and cannot continue---

….

---Seems like he's still at it---

….

---Stiill at it…---

….

---It doesn't seem like that our beloved cat is going to resurface anytime soon so lets shift to another pov.---

#Nobodies Pov. (Seems like Crookshanks isn't the only one daydreaming…)

Dumbledore sat quietly in his chair, his big purple puffy slightly gay looking chair.

"Come in Minerva," He called out and turned his concentration away from The Force.

"Dumbledore you called?" Minerva McGonagall asked and walked in.

"Yes, called you I did," Dumbledore said wisely.

"May I ask what for?" Minerva asked choosing to ignore Dumbledore's new interesting way of talking.

"Yes," Dumbledore said, "Going to shop for carpets we are,"

'Dear god I do hope he'll start laying of with those Star Wars movies!' McGonagall thought silently to her self (Thoughts can't be loud now can they so naturally they're silent)

"And why is that?"

"Feel like it I do," Dumbledore said twiddling his thumbs and looking up to the ceiling.

Strange Man…

---Ah, seems like Crookshanks finally snapped out of it---

Sorry about that.

Let's go visit our favorite couples.

Hermione and Malf-.. Ahem I mean Draco.

I guess I should start calling him by his first name now right? I mean if they got married it would be a tad bit confusing.

Aww, they're sitting pretty closely on that couch in their own little common room.

Something must've happened while I was out.

And since I'm one of those cats who definitely don't gobeat around the bush (more like the ones that get killed by curiosity) I asked.

"What happened?" I barked with a miaw (incredible, I barked a meow!)

"What do you mean?" Malf ups I mean Draco asks looking up from his book.

"What do you think Sherlock?" I ask, "Your sitting next to the same person you felt disgusted by just weeks ago."

"Uh, so?" He says looking back at his book finding it suddenly way morefascinating.

"Oh! You liiike her!" I start in a singsong voice, "You want to kiiis her you want to-"

Saw a film with this "song" in it once, seemed like it annoyed the hell out of the man so I'm hoping it'll do the same here…

"Shut up!" Hermione says obviously not liking my song of miaws. Unfortunate girl, she still doesn't see the hidden meaning! Sniff, misunderstood I am…

"You are, it seems" Dumbledore says suddenly appearing for then disappearing again after that quick agreement. He's a busy, busy man after all! Heard he's been trying to count the stars! Busy, busy!

"So any Draco or Hermione juniors in the future?" I ask with the biggest smirk ever seen on a cats face, it is just way to fun seeing Malfoy get angry.

Oh my, I think I hit a soft spot… remember when I said that he would never blush red? His skin just turned into a skin color making him look human? Well uhm… he's looking pretty red right now.

"GET BACK HERE YOU STUPID FLUFF BALL!" He screams and runs after me (being the smart cat I am I instantly fled when I saw his tomato face)

---

"Minerva!" I yowl happy seeing my love in the kitchen,

"Crookshanks, how nice to see you here," She says.

Did you hear that? She said that it was _nice_ to se me here! NICE!

I think she likes me!

"What are you doing here?" I ask after a second of controlling my happiness.

"Trying to get away from Dumbledore," she replays, "He's been imitating Yoda all day,"

"I know, poor old fart" I sit down besides her and start on my huge meal of burgers, French fries and other things deep fried and greasy with fat.

"You have the appetite of an elephant," She says.

Aww sweet kitty, she called me an elephant!

"Yeah well, I'm growing,"

"You are?" She asks incredulous,

"Yeah, around the tummy at least" I say and laugh at my own joke.

"You'll end up being as big as Australia," She says and wrinkles her nose.

I stop my eating for a second contemplating what she said.

"Agh, one of the smaller continents," I shrug it off and start my meal once again.

"Aha, I'll be leaving." She says and is gone with a flash.

She probably just couldn't handle my sexy eating habits.

---Dream on---

Ey! I heard that!

Sheez, some authors are so annoying disturbing a story like that! I mean who wants to know what they think? People want to read their stories not their comments.

Stupid author.

---EY! I created you! …Er not really but I gave you the ability of thinking!---

Yeah congratulations! Want a Nobel for that?

---Shut it or I will make you go back to the diet---

I'm shutting!

Gods the nerve of, some people.

"Hello little pussy cat!" Binns squeals turning up from nowhere, but then again he _is_ a ghost.

"Er, miaw?" I say wanting nothing more then to get away from him.

"Aww you sweet little kitty," He says and tries to lift me up but goes of course right through me.

Ugh, that was unpleasant, I feel all wet now!

"Oh fiddle! Door those side effects!" He uh Curses? (I'm not sure if that is cursing but lets just call it that.) and swifs away through the air going straight through a couple of first years and a ghost or two.

"Watch it Tim!" Nearly Headless Nick yells.

Tim? That's his first name? Tim Binns?

---Sorry once again our cat seems to be laughing way too much to continue, meanwhile lets shift the pov's again---

"So like this you do?" Dumbledore asked McGonagall and Madam Hooch (whom he somehow had managed to get to come along)

"You said we were going to buy carpets!" Hooch says outraged, "Not socks!"

"My mind I changed," Dumbledore said indifferently and kept looking at all the socks in front of him, this was like early a Christmas, "Beautifulare these not?"

"Yes yes very beautiful," McGonagal says hurriedly,

"Just buy some socks and get on with it," Hooch says after a couple of minutes of Dumbledore asking if each sock wasn'tjust "intoxicatingly beautiful" getting a mumble of "I believe they'll get intoxicating alright" from Hooch which caused Minerva to laugh sending Dumbledore way of his rocker thinking that it was the socks she was laughing at which caused a severe speech about how they should respect the socks and their colors and that they should put their differences aside and get to know the pretty socks from Dumbledore who shoved a couple of orange spotted and broom striped socks into their faces.

"It takes time to choose the perfect pair," Dumbledore pouted finally dropping the Yoda imitation.

---Phew, seems like Crookshanks has gained control over himself again, thank god---

Sorry about that once again.

I am currently sitting by the Lake watching a bit surprised at two in the water.

Draco must've thought it was a good day for a swim.  
Hermione must've thought there was another book down there.

But lets put their thoughts aside and concentrate on what they are doing.

They are splashing water at each other like a couple of eight year olds.

I only feel sympathy towards them, getting all wet.

Ugh, god I'm glad that isn't me.

It seems like Draco is enjoying himself, let's just say that Hermione's shirt is white and she still hasn't remembered what that means.

Let us give them a bit of privacy, I want to visit the kitchens again, all that laughing made me hungry.

---

After a lot of jumping up and down I finally got into the Kitchen, seems like I'm getting out of shape.

"Crookshanks! How nice to see you here!" Dobby says emerging from the back.

Aww I feel so loved! Two think it's nice to see me! But I sure do hope that Dobby doesn't uh 'Like' me like Minerva! That would just be strange

"New socks?" I ask him looking down at the orange spotted and broom striped socks he's wearing on his feet.

---

**A/N:** Am I not the best? Not only do I update but also I make it a damn long update! 5 pages! God I am so proud of myself! Oh and by the way Tim is probably not Binns real name. I don't think they've ever mentioned his first name in the books

Thanks to: **a conscious reader, RazorbladeRomance, Sienna, Psycho4DUCKS, Mim, Novacaine Junkie, Jjp91, Beachbabe12, Blackness Angel, FlairVerona, Snow Mouse, ellieo **and** musicalbballgal **for the reviews!

Special note to:

**A Conscious reader: **Thank you so much for pointing that out for me, I know the difference between quit and quite but I guess I just didn't think much of it. Oh and the too/to and off/of yeah I've got some trouble with those words. Once again thank you.

**Sienna: **I don't know… But I'll Pinky promise you this! I will write a new humorous story after this one, how does that sound?

**Psycho4DUCKS: **Well maybe our McGonagal has a soft spot towards our handsome fluff ball, lol.

**Novacaine Junkie: **I am so sorry but I just couldn't keep my self from laughing with the "Lonely" quotes you made in your review, and come on! You're not alone! It's me whose aalll by myseeelf, don't wanna be all by myself anymore lol. Þú ert með Rúnar manstu ;)

**Jjp91: **Cool! I've made my soccer coach quite a bit pissed too lol, one of them even quit the team (he deserved it! he was mean and had ugly hair!)

**Blackness Angel: **aw thanks for adding me to your fave list! I like milk too but only with chocolate cakes or cookies. I can't drink it without it lol.

**FlairVerona: **No need to apologies! I forgive you! heh, ;)

**Snow Mouse: **Well you reviewers wouldn't take it nicely if I started to update any slower now would you? Lol.

Review! -**Boogie**


	17. Mission detention

I've finally got a plan.

I am going to get Hermione and Draco into detention together.

Jep, I am going to get them to scrub the floors together and see if they don't talk a bit.

I want them to _Talk_? Man I am going soft! When the 'salad' did I get such a relationship know-it-all?

Maybe I should get my own column in Witch Weekly. I could be the anonymous "cat" that answers all those whiny letters. I can just imagine their letters:

_Dear Mr. Most Powerful cat in the World _(sounds good eh?)

_My brother's girlfriend's sister's ex has a crush on me._

_What do I do? I don't want my cousin to get mad because she has a thing for him too but then again she got kidnapped by my uncle last week but still that doesn't give me any permission to take her crush away right under her nose right?_

_But I'm sooo in love! He's so sweet!_

_I feel like he knows me so well. He used to be girl you know! _

_With Love the family member_.

I would be over my head with such letters and I would start wearing a purple rope specially designed for cats and I would probably start acting pretty gay and-

I would be the new Trelawny.

Alright there is no way that I am going to end up like that!

Think I'm just happy being who I am.

I am who I am.

To be or not to be,

Back to the plan,

Mission: Detention (has a nice ring to it doesn't it?)

Watch as I Crookshanks the Sneaky teapo- er I mean the Cat, will get Hermione Granger and Draco Clarence Malfoy a detention in only 3 steps.

Step one: Follow them to the Classroom and sneak unnoticed inside.

Ah, there's Hermione.

Huh, what is that in her bag? It looks way to heavy!

Where is Draco? Why isn't he caring that load of bricks for her?

Speaking of the devil there he comes.

"Ey Granger" He greets her giving a concern glance at the heavy back, "You don't need all those books you know"

Aww isn't he just sweet? He is getting softer then me! Haha!

"Yes I do," Hermione answers looking like she is struggling under the weight.

"At least leave some of them up here, you can get them after lunch" Draco says in what sounds very close to an order.

He really cares doesn't he?

"No, I'm fine" Hermione manage to say and starts walking towards class.

In the end Draco grabs the bag from her and walks towards class shaking his head muttering about women and their stupidity while Hermione walks after him with a soft smile.

Their little fight was very appropriate for me. Their attention was too focused on each other that they didn't notice me slip into the Transfiguration class and hide in the back.

Step one completed.

Step two: Get them into trouble.

That was easy.

I just started spitting (since I'm not very good at throwing) small balls of paper into Hermione's bush of hair.

Of course Malfoy thinking it extremely funny snickers and is automatically the one throwing (spitting) the balls, at least according to Hermione.

After a few more minutes of me spitting balls after her she finally snaps (My mouth was getting terribly sore)

"MALFOY IF YOU DO NOT STOP THAT I WILL BREAK YOUR BLOODY WAND IN HALF!"

The whole class started amazed at Hermione, she cursed!

Malfoy of course couldn't take being accused of something he didn't do went and answered her back.

"I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!" he screams outraged.

"YOU'VE BEEN-"

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" the stern voice of McGonagall interrupts, "I will not tolerate such things in this class!"

Step 2 is completed.

Step 3 get them a detention.

"10 points from Slytherin and Gryffindor," McGonagall says, "And you'll serve a detention with Snape tonight. Together"

Perfect. Step 3 completed.

-----

**A/N:** The Detention will start in next chapter; I don't have the energy to write the rest right now so sorry. And I still have to do my homework! Argh living Hell I tell you!

Thanks to: **Novacaine Junkie, Sienna, Heiress-To-The-Dark-Throne, Alandrea-the-magical-kitty, Snow Mouse, Queen of Duct Tape, musicalbballgal, Blackness Angel, Ellieo, FlairVerona **and** Jjp91** for the reviews!

**Novacaine Junkie:** With time… 

**Sienna: **Yoda rocks! And I am a firm believer on that he is Dumbledore's idol or family. It fits doesn't it?

**Snow Mouse: **Nah, I was once but I'm not much into it anymore- I think the last movie sucked. The 3 "originals" are best the latter 3 are just there for the sake of it.

**Queen of Duct Tape: **First of all _Garbage _bin? Second of all yeah you might as well throw it at the cat. He has at least 6 lives left. Me, I'm way too young to get cheez-its on me! Have mercy! Oh and I am very confuzzled with your reviewzel… ehm yeah.

**Blackness Angel: **Here you go! Hope you liked this better then the last one! By the way I think it's highly interesting to get a review starting with random things as Choo Choo I'm a train so please don't stop lol.

**Ellieo: **I'm sorry about the grammar mistakes, but I suck at it so there really isn't anything I can do about it though I am working on it.

**Jjp91: **Nice going! And yeah it can get pretty confusing talking "Yoda" believe me I've tried!

Review -**Boogie**


	18. Hansel the Cheese

The Detention of Doom ladies and gentlemen.

Since I Crookshanks the cat wasn't able to get into the detion for obvious reasons (one of them being that it's very hard to not notice me)

I got a mouse to do it for me.

Foul creaturs but they can be very usuful. This one I've known since I came to Hogwarts, his name is something along the lines of Cheede or Cheele. It's hard to understand a mouse with all the squeaks! Though I'm not sure if that really is his name now that I think of it, it's the only thing it ever says. Oh dear god I sure do hope he'll be able to document the Detention properly.

Right now cookies and pizzas surround me while I'm just waiting for Cheeje Cheefe to come back.

Ah speaking of the devil,

"Alright tell me what happened," I miaw after giving him a bite of cheese (what can I say I'm a caring cat!)

"Squeak squeaked squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak" It begins,

Well here is what I thought it said:

Hermione and Draco started of their cheese? Must be meaning Detention.

Uhm, they didn't talk until Draco accidentally threw some water on Hermione.

I don't know about you guys but I am not so sure that he did that "accidentally"

Anyways, Hermione grows cheesy? Uh, think he means angry and she throws water on him.

A bit water fight breaks out and ends with them laughing their cheese off. Again I think it meant butts. What is with that mouse and cheese?

They look each other deep into the cheese? Uh lets just put a nose there for the fun of it.

Nah I'm kidding, they look deep into each other's _eyes _and end up talking about Malfoy's family problems.

Family problems? At least he _has_ a family, my family is somewhere in Madagascar chasing all the cruel apes away with their insanely dangerous toothbrushes.

Yep, my family loves cleaning teeth's.

Anyways of course it all ends up with them kissing and talking about where their relationship is leading (one guess who asked that!)

"Squeak, squeaky squeak" Hansel the cheese (yeah, his name is Hansel not cheede or cheehe. I have no idea how I could confuse those with each other!) Squeaks.

All right, Hermione then saw Hansel and found a new phobia for her collection (she has about 10 or something on her phobia list. Easy to scare that girl)

So Hermione screaming and jumping on chairs and tables to get away from the little mouse and Draco being the gentleman laughs.

And laughs until Hermione, throws her shoe after him commanding him to get rid of the mouse.

Which leaves us to the current situation; Hansel wants more cheese because of his near-to-death experience.

Huff near-to-death my ass.

"Squeak cheese squeak squeak!" The mouse exclaims angrily.

Taking all the foul words that Hansel used he simply said:

I want cheese

So of course I give him some and throw him out telling him to leave me the hell alone.

I get aggressive when people ask me so rudely for food. It's just so disrespectful!

Getting the hint Hansel runs off and in comes a flushed Hermione and Draco.

Wonder what they've been doing eh?

"I suppose you had fun?" I ask Malfoy looking from him to Hermione.

"What do you mean? It was detention," Malfoy says avoiding my eyes.

You would think that he was better at lying then that! Maybe it's just because I'm a cat and he doesn't really feel comfortable around me.

Nah can't be, we played chess together!

I know! He probably hasn't gotten over the fact that I won!

"Aha, and you two are just so flushed from scrubbing floors?" I ask with a knowing smile, or I think it looks knowing. From the looks from Hermione it's not even close.

"Yeah, it's hard work" Malfoy says defensively.

"I'm going to bed," Hermione says finally giving up on understanding what we're talking about. "Have a nice chat" she adds and gives Malfoy a kiss on the cheek before running up to her room.

"Goodnight," Malfoy says after her with a cheeky grin (I think the mouse is rubbing off on me with all the cheese..)

I give Malfoy a look and raise both my eyebrows. Wait do I even have eyebrows?

Malfoy doesn't notice, just walks up to his room with a dreamy look on his face.

Teenagers and their hormones.

I think he and Hermione are getting awfully close.

---Next Morning

"MALFOY WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY SOCKS!"

Maybe I was wrong about the close thing

----

**A/N**: Hey! I'm so sorry for the extremely short update! I tried to make it as long as possible but I just went short of ideas.

Thanks to: **Emi-Bum, Blackness Angel, Novacaine Junkie, silverkonekotsukari, Sienna, ellieo, beachbabe12, Heiress-To-The-Dark-Throne, musicalbballgal **and** FlairVerona** for the reviews!

Special note to:

**Novacaine Junkie: **I'm killing you with the love thingie? Aw come on you can handle it:P

**Emi-Bum: **Aw! I sure hope you didn't wake anybody up!

**Blackness Angel: **Though I am in a country that practically is made of wool I don't have any right here, so sorry to disappoint you lol. Good luck with your story!

**Silverkonekotsukari: **Awesome name! Anyways thank you so much for the beautiful words! Illogical, insane, crazy…

**Sienna: **Yeah the time difference is so weird! I cannot believe that you're in spring while I'm stuck in autumn!

**Beachbabe12: **Of course he completed! He is after all Agent Crookshanks right? Lol.

**Heiress-To-The-Dark-Throne: **I was thinking of putting some Arnold Swarzenegger somewhere… I'll be back! Lol.

Review! -**Boogie**


	19. Did I say that out loud?

"What is it with Quidditch that is so exciting?" Hermione asked after a long silence.

It's amazing isn't it? Hermione and Draco are currently on their way to the Great Hall.

Together.

Talking about _Quidditch_!

Oh oh, I see trouble ahead. They walked straight into the Great Hall together. Not noticing every head turn towards them and gasp.

Draco walks over to his table and Hermione does the same.

"What are you doing with Malfoy?" Harry whispers as soon as she sits.

Eh no hissing? Maybe that's reserved only for me. I feel so special!

"Wha- huh?" Hermione finally realizing what she did claps a hand over her mouth, "I didn't just walk inside with him did I?"

"Yes you did" Ginny says and winks.

"Well, we were talking about head business." Hermione says probably trying to tell her self the same thing.

"He's the _enemy_!" Ron hisses dramatically.

"He's the _head boy_!" Hermione hisses equally dramatic.

"He's _hot_!" Ginny hisses inaudible for the others except Hermione who gives her a "He's-mine" glare. Whoa possessive girly.

Over at the Slytherin table all the "fan" girls from Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and Slytherin are squashing poor Malfoy.

"Look at that," Harry says and grins enjoying the agony look on Draco's face.

"Yeah, I hope they bury him for good," Ron says and chuckles.

Hm… what should I eat for breakfast? Ah muffin, toast and pumpkin juice.

Looks like Malfoy finally had enough and is walking out of the hall.

"TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRT!" A few Ravenclaws suddenly scream.

"TAKE OFF YOUR SHOE!" A lost Hufflepuff screams trying to be "in".

"TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS!" Hermione screams right after the Hufflepuff, "Oh dear gods please tell me I did not scream that out loud?"

"Eh," Ginny answers, Ron and Harry are to busy looking angry to answer.

Malfoy turns around with a smirk and winks at the now very very red Hermione before walking out.

I can't see the difference between Hermione's face and Ron's hair!

I seriously can't see the difference!

Oh well back to my muffin. Yes my precious little chocolate muffin made by slaving underpaid House elves imported from Ireland.

Something tells me that the last part should be stopping me from eating this?

I wonder what it is…

---

Ah, that muffin sure tasted delicious.

It is so boring to watch Hermione read! Why does she do it anyway?

The library is also just way to packed with students and books! I am getting all claustrophobic with all the bookcases every where closing in on me- Help me!

"So you want me to take my pants off?" Malfoy asks suddenly appearing from behind a bookcase behind Hermione. Thank god he is still wearing his pants so don't go and get any ideas!

"No, that wasn't supposed to slip" Hermione says a nice shade of pink.

"I knew you wanted me," Malfoy says smirking and sits down in front of her at the table.

Finally Hermione looks up from her book with her own little smirk.

"In your dreams Ferret Boy"

"Oh really?" Malfoy asks and leans towards her and kisses her mumbling "Guess this is one of my dreams then,"

"Guess it is" Hermione mumbles back before giving into the kiss.

Yuck. I don't get it, what is it that is so attractive with exchanging salvia?

Uh that book looks interesting. Hm. "Tim Binns' Life"

They wrote a _book_ about him!

"What's happening between us?" Hermione asks softly.

"I don't know," Malfoy, replies just as clueless.

I still can't believe they wrote a _book_about him!

---

**A/N:** Soo what do you think? I know it's terribly short I don't seem to be able writing anything longer then 3 pages! Anyways I've got a question for you: Which chapter do you think is best?

Thanks to: **Erin, Sienna, FlairVerona, Blackness Angel, Emi-Bum, n, bob, pixiestars162, Jjp91, Heiress-To-The-Dark-Throne, musicalbballgal, beachbabe12 **and** Queen of Duct Tape** for the reviews.

**Blackness Angel: **God I loved the Crayon saying! It's so true! Lol. And no I don't live in New Zealand; I practically live on the other side of the globe from that. Can you guess where that is?

**Emi-Bum: **No problem.

**Bob: **So sorry but I just cannot stop thinking about a display picture I saw once "This is Bob. Bob likes sharp things. I suggest you run from Bob" Lol that cracked me up first time I read it. Anyways I don't know, I just have a looot of freetime I guess. Heh.

**N:** Yeah well that was my sis trying to annoy me. Don't worry I've removed it.

**Jjp91: **I would've done the same thing! The last thing the poor mouse needs after being dissected is ending in the trash can right? It deserves a funeral! Lol, do you have msn?

**Queen of Duct Tape: **What happens all at once? Yes I am very confuzzled with your reviewzel lol.

**Sienna: **This was for you! Lol.

Review! –**Boogie**


	20. A bell on the tail

After that "Tim Binns' Life" I've found quite the amount of boring, useless biographies!

All right let's see I've found, McGonagal's "My life" (not very creative), Some guy named Gildory Lockhart "Magical Me" (who _isn't _magical around here?), Harry Potter's "The-boy-who-lived" (I wonder if he even knows that there's a book about him), Dumbledore's "The creator of socks"

Obviously not very catching titles eh? Though I must admit that the creator of socks looks interesting… I whish I could wear socks. And a tiny west of denim or the fluffy material from Dumbledore's chair! And maybe one of those tiny French hats and… and… AND A BELL ON MY TAIL! Saw that in Tom and Jerry once and it looked simply astonishing!

So what do you think about me writing a biography?

"My 9 lives"

"Crookshanks, the real superman"

"Agent Crookshanks, how does he do it?"

Hm… maybe not. I don't think anybody would read a book containing nothing but meows.

OH my friggin' god! I've been here for hours doing nothing but look at _Books_!

I think I must be ill, sick, contaminated, infected, or UNWELL!

Oh god, I'm going to the Hospital wing right now! This instant!

If I could move. Stupid books.

Madam Pince?

---

Stupid Pince, doesn't see the difference between people in need of help from people breaking the rules.

The old hag actually dared yelling at me for ruining her books! And obviously cats are suddenly not allowed in there! Can't believe her!

What does she have against cats? I bet she's a catsist! That would explain the entire mean glares she keep giving me when she walks by.

She should really take a lesson from Crayons! I mean come on: some are sharp, some are pretty, some have weird names, they are all different colors and yet they all manage to live in the same box... That is pretty amazing huh? (A/N: Blackness Angel!)

Madam Pomfrey isn't that intolerant against other species I hope.

Nah, think about all the times she has helped Mrs. Norris out! Oh wait maybe she's a sexist! Only helping the- no she has helped Harry on many occasions.

NO! I know! Maybe she _IS_ a sexist and all the other "ist"-words! She's just so modest about it that she doesn't show it openly! Yeah! Maybe she's one of those who when you come for help with a broken leg breaks it again before healing it! Uh oh, I don't feel like going to the hospital any longer! I do so not want to suffer just because of a stupid illness that is making me read-

Wait I can _read_?

Oh god, I must really be sick! Cats aren't supposed to be able to read are they!

All right, that does it I'm going!

Bring it on Poppy!

--_0_-_0_—

Aw I cannot believe that I thought Madam Pomfrey was a mean old hag!

She nicely told me that there was nothing wrong with me but that she could give me a sleeping potion if the "illness" was keeping me awake.

And then she gave me a lollipop! I've always wondered what they taste like. (A/N: take a moment and imagine a cat with a lollipop up in it's mouth... all right on with the story)

But what surprised me the most was that she doesn't even speak catseltongue but somehow she was able to understand everything I said! I think it's from all the practice with Mrs. Norris who's always in there with a sore butt from getting to close to one of the students foot (by accident or not)

Well I decided to go see where Draco and Hermione were.

Dum dum dada dum dum dada.

Ah there they are, in the common room as always doing guess what.

Homework.

Poor kids! It seems like the only thing they do is study! Cruel teachers they've got.

"You know the winter ball's in next week" Malfoy says suddenly breaking the silence.

"Yeah, we're all done planning right?" Hermione asks absently writing something down on her parchment.

"Uhm yeah" Draco says looking a teeny bit uncomfortable,

"So whom are you going with?" Hermione asks and finally looks up from her work.

"Probably Pansy," Draco says, "Though she's as clingy as a piece of glue she can be quite fun"

"Yeah, never seen that side of her," Hermione says thoughtfully and then adds, "I'm going with Neville,"

"Longbottom?" Draco asks incredulously.

"Yeah, I felt a bit sorry for him and thought why not?" Hermione said, "It's not like there's anyone else that would think of going with me to the ball."

"Oh," Draco said and they both went back to work.

Aww! If you read between the lines you see quite clearly that Hermione and Draco wanted to go together but didn't really think the other would want to go with them. Confusing?

So, whom will I take?

Contemplating a bit on that thought I wandered aimlessly around the hallways with my lollipop. I think it's strawberry flavoured.

Mrs. Norris. Taken.

Minerva. Taken (lost her to Dumbledore. Embarrassing I know)

Er… I don't know anybody else!

Oh god, if it's so important to have date I'll just bring that new owl Malfoy had delivered not long ago. What's her name again? Or maybe Neville's toad. It might like me better, as I've told you owls aren't too fond of me.

But what ever shall I wear?

----

**A/N:** I am so sorry for my late update. It was really hard to write this chapter, and I don't think it's too humors either but it was the best I could do on a day like this. Anyways I was thinking of making the Winter Ball the last chapter? But I probably won't go through with it, I'm having way to much fun writing this. I don't know if I'll ever stop!

Thanks to: **Psycho4DUCKS, Sienna, beachbabe12, H.L.Mittermair, Anime4u2, pixiestars162, bob, musicalbballgal, Blackness Angel, FlairVerona, Xmyxparadisex, TruBluePotterFan, Jjp91, Hazelocean, Novacine Junkie, LightShadows **and **QuietWorld **for the reviews!

Special Note to:

**Novacaine Junkie: **aw! I'll bake you some muffins! They might not be able to talk but I could maybe make a puppet show out of them or something? Er... or maybe that would just be plain disgusting playing with food like that, oh who cares.

**Psycho4DUCKS: **I've got no idea why anybody would write a book about Binns, but then again the Hogwarts library wouldn't be complete without a book on _everything_ now would it?  
Ps. yeah, who wouldn't want him to do that? Lol.

**Musicalbballgal: **Who wouldn't be embarrassed? I would've died from shame had it been me, god I am so cruel to poor Hermione!

**Blackness Angel: **Sorry but I couldn't resist not using the "crayon wisdom" you shared with me. I'm from Europe, the northern part of it. I'll give you a hint; the land looks very much like some kind of an animal, dinosaur or something.

**TheBluePotterFan: **Thanks for reminding me about the ball; I've been so worked up on getting those two together that it completely left my mind.

**Jjp91: **Oh god that was probably the longest review I've ever received! Lol, anyways yeah who cares about them kissing? The Tim "Bin" book was so much interesting! Am I right or am I right?

**LightShadows:** I'll get back to you when I've finished the story, I can't really decided now.

-

Review -**Boogie**


	21. The Winter Ball

The Winter Ball.

---

I ended up taking two owls as my date for the ball.

I felt pretty important walking inside with two owls; one on the right and the other on the left. Both had their (left or right) wing over my back as I led them into the Great Hall.

Wow, I cannot believe that my owner and Malfoy did all this,

Amazing.

Though the snow is a bit too much. Never liked snow very much. It's to close related to water.

Did you know snow _melts_? Ice cream too!

Well back to Hermione and Draco. They've been ignoring each other the whole week. Ever since they talked about whom they were going to take to the ball they have been pretty depressed.

Humans.

I don't understand why something as stupid as pride and ego is stopping them from just going together. It's almost as stupid as if a pink fluffy bunny slipper suddenly popped up demanding them not to wear it or it would smack them on the head.

Ah there's Hermione, dancing with Neville.

What a funny sight, Neville is practically standing on her toes to keep up. Poor Hermione.

Ah and there's Draco sending Neville a few murderous looks while dancing with Pansy.

"Hoot hoot, hoot" Snowy asked sweetly.

I being the gentlecat I am said yes and went to go get the drinks the two owls had asked for.

On my way I conveniently bumbed into Malfoy hissing to him "Ask her to dance you fool"

Malfoy just gave me a quick glare saying it's-not-that-easy. Why do they always complicate things like that for them? If I can take two owls to a ball unharmed then he must be able to ask Hermione to dance with out dying some horrible death right?

Stepping on all the toes I could I made my way through the dance floor to the drinks. Getting quite the amount of glares and kicks that I succeeded in dodging.

Reaching the drinks table I noticed Harry standing there looking all alone and all by himself.

"Miaw," I greeted him to see if he was in a conversational mood.

"Hiss, hiss" He hissed and gave me a weak smile.

"Miaw," I said nodding in agreement, Paravti's dress was just simply gruesome!

"Hiss, hiss hiss" Harry added with a disappointed sigh,

"miaw," I agreed once again, Paravti really should know that brown is so not the new black anymore! "Miaw miaw" I added ("Padma doesn't look to bad though,")

"Hiss hiss" Harry said ("Have you seen her shoes?")

"Miaw!" I gasped and looked horrified at the glittering yellow shoes clashing with the else pretty pastel colored dress. "Miaw miaw!" ("That is awful!")

"Hiss," Harry said shaking his head sadly at the fact that anybody would have such a poor sense of style.

We stood for a while in silence watching Padma, twitching each time she moved her shoes so they reflected the light.

At last Harry hissed his goodbyes and I got over to get the drinks.

And of course I realized that I wasn't even capable of holding one drink let alone three.

Maybe I should get one of those bags on my back where I can carry various things and –

No! No they didn't!

My two dates were dancing with the toad!

They…. _dumped_ me for a _toad_!

A very bad dancing toad, what is with those jumps?

Uh anyway, they _dumped_ me!

"Arrrgh!" I miawed upset. God that sounded feminine.

After my outburst, which nobody took any notice of (Cat's voices just aren't loud enough for these kind of things!) I angrily swept over to the owls, smacked them over the head and walked offended out of the Great Hall breaking into the run until I reached the lake.

It was a beautiful evening, the lake was reflecting all the pretty little stars looking like a little sky of it's own.

Funny part? It was a clouded evening.

Oh well ignoring the sudden feeling of curiosity wanting me to see what it was that was glittering in the lake I sat down and wallowed in self pity.

No body wants me!

-----

Back at the Ball.

"I'm so sorry if I hurt you out there," Neville said for the millionth time.

"No, don't be silly. I'll probably be able to feel my toes again tomorrow" Hermione assured him.

"Do you want something to drink?" Neville asked relieved that he hadn't caused his date more pain, he remembered last time he was at a ball, he had accidentally broken three toes on his date Ginny's foot after only 10 minutes.

The rest of the ball he had been sitting in the Hospital wing hyperventilating (caused by thoughts like "What if I killed her," "What if she won't be able to walk again!" "What if I don't get any of the pumpkin pasties they are serving at the ball!")

"Sure, just some Butterbeer" Hemione said with a smile.

Neville hurried away and Hermione went over to sit with Ron and Harry.

"Hey guys," She said with a bright smile.

"Hey," They grumbled, they never liked these kinds of things.

"Where are you dates?" Hermione asked and looked around.

"Dancing with the Creevey brothers" Ron sulked.

Hermione suppressed her urge to snigger and looked around.

And there they were, Lavender Brown and Susan Bones dancing along with Colin and Denise Creevey looking like they were actually enjoying them selves.

Her eyes shifted to a certain blonde and felt the butterflies in her stomach go ballistic.

How did people get these winged creatures down there anyways?

----

Back to Crookshanks.

Oh I feel so miserable!

No one likes me! I'm just the fat cat that nobody likes!

WAILLL-

What is that?

What if it's a humongous spider! Or a thestral! No wait, I wouldn't be able to see that.

Uhm it's a bird! It's a plain! It's a… _cat_!

I was getting all worked up because of a cat?

"Meow" it greets me and stops a few feet from me.

It looks like a Misty, yeah that's probably her name.

"miaw" I ask ("who are you?")

"Viviane," she meowed nonchalantly

Viviane? Her name is Viviane? What kind of owner has she? I feel almost sorry for her!

I'll call her Viv.

"I'm Crookshanks," I say, "So who's your owner?"

"Professor Sprout," Viviane meows.

That explains the strange name! I think?

---

Back at the ball.

Malfoy was getting awfully tired of Pansy.

"And then my mother said like 'Na ah you are so not going to wear that young lady!' and I was like 'Ya ah I am' and then she was like 'Na ah!' and then it was like-"

Such a creative use of language.

"Pansy I'm going to go sit down," Malfoy said in a forced kind voice.

"All right," Pansy said and skipped away to find some of her friends to gossip with.

'_Just ask her you idiot,'_ Malfoy thought to himself glancing at Hermione, '_All right, I'm going to do it, I'm going to ask her to dance._'

Finally after minutes of building up his courage Malfoy rouse from his seat and walked confidently over to Hermione's table completely ignoring the two twits that were accompanying her.

"Excuse me, could I have this dance?" Malfoy asked her with a playful smirk.

"Sure," Hermione said and took his hand.

Both ignoring the protests from Harry and Ron who were both turning the most interesting shade of red and purple.

"Why did you ask me to dance?" Hermione asked as they began to dance.

"Felt like it," Draco said finding the same smirk from before very convenient for the comment.

Hermione just shook her head at him smiling.

(A/N: god I'm such a hopeless romantic)

Once again Malfoy got one of those urges that he called "I felt like it," and kissed Hermione.

----

Back to Crookshanks.

"You like plants?" I ask Viviane as we walk back inside the hall.

"Yeah, they are so interesting! They stay the same place all their life but are still useful then us humans! It's amazing!"

That's what happens when your owner is a plant crazed madwoman kids.

Remember to always stay clear from those types! You might get smart! Oh the horrors.

"So, what's your favorite flower?" I ask not really listening to her.

"Uhm, there's so many! Uhm Orchids I think. No wait Roses! No petunias. No no I know-"

Ah there's Hermione and Draco! In a lip lock… gross.

This is the part where David Hasselhoff starts singing and the mood is ruined.

…

Darn, oh well Baywatch! Dun dun dun dun dun, dun

I love the theme for that! It's just so sad that they don't have any cats anywhere.

Though I'm not really surprised, cats would make awful lifeguards.

Plus they wouldn't fit in those stylish red bathing suits.

----

Hermione and Draco:

"People are looking," Hermione mumbled a bit embarrassed and ended the kiss.

"Let them, I don't care," Malfoy replayed and just to show their 'audience' off he kissed her again.

---

"But then again I really like Lilies." Viviane kept on.

I think I'm going to try and somehow ditch her, and find some pumpkin pasties (they are delicious!)

Bye.

----

**A/N:** What do you day? Huh? Almost 6 pages! I'm so proud of myself! Oh and god you reviewers are the ones that keep me going! I never thought I would see the day where I would write more then 4 chapters to a story and here I am with chapter 21!

Thanks to: **xbrokenxangelx, Snow mouse, Novacaine Junkie, Blackness Angel, beachbabe12, pixiestars162, musicalbballgal, Queen of Duct Tape, Friday13, jjp91, FlairVerona, red angel, Heiress-To-The-Dark-Throne **and** Bob** for the reviews!

Special note to:

**Novacaine Junkie:** You got your hug and you got your muffin show! Hope you're happy now!

**Blackness Angel:** Well, I think the next chapter is the last but that's what I said about this chapter so I don't really know! Though I don't think it'll reach over 30, that's just pushing it lol.

So you've given up on where I live?

**Beachbabe12:** Hope this answered your question! Lol.

**Queen of Duct tape:** Not the man-eating toothbrush! Such a long review you wrote! Though I didn't get half of it! Lol.

**Friday13:** I don't mind, Crookshanks isn't my invention anyway it all belongs to the beloved JK.

But tell me when you've written it! I really want to read it, lol.

**Jjp91:** Yeah some people just don't realize that Sarcasm isn't a town in Russia (ha! What a bad joke!) Boys can be so stupid sometimes…

**FlairVerona:** I thought that since Draco already had enough with Crookshanks that he probably wasn't going to go near buying one. Lol, but Viviane is going to take the place of helping Crookshanks with making Draco and Hermione get together (though they don't really need it anymore do they?)

**Red Angel:** I know I haven't mentioned them much; I've been to focused about Hermione and Draco. Well I put a small scene with Harry so hope you liked it.

**Bob: **Yeah that would be just like Dumbledore to have invented the socks!

Review! -**Boogie**


	22. The end

Argh my head! I think I banged it against the pillow or something.

I have a very fragile head. I can't help it.

What happened last night?

Oh yeah: Ball, got dumped, and met Viv.

Better get some breakfast, or lunch. I think the time is more appropriate for lunch.

"Crooky!" Somebody squeals behind me, I'm guessing Viv.

Crooky… at least she's not calling me Hanky anymore.

"Viv!" I squeal back and turn around feeling like Lavender when she meets Paravti in a corridor. It's like a bloody banshee session. Screaming and shaking their hands like something big is happening. Really, they do this _every time_ they meet and they're in the same godforsaken house!

Girls… you can't do anything but shake your head at them, -shakes head-

And now don't get this wrong, cats can squeal with a miaw. We've been working on it for ages but we finally managed it. We cats are very intelligent creatures.

"Where have you been? I haven't seen you since last night," Viv says and strokes my back with her tail.

"I just woke up actually," I answer suppressing my urge to laugh. I'm very ticklish, "Want to go with me to the kitchens?"

"Why? Am I to fat for you? Is that it? You want to walk me down to the kitchens in hope of me loosing some weight!" Viviane says screaming the last part scaring the whomping willow from killing yet another bird.

"No, I'm just in need for food and wanted your company," I say after analyzing the sentence over and over in my head in case she would misinterpret that also.

She has a tendency to do that as you see. Must be some kind of PMS amongst cats.

"Oh," Viv says and takes another second to double check if there was anything insulting some where in the words of mine, "Okay" She says after a whole 10 seconds and gives me a big smile and starts skipping to the kitchen.

Huff, this I've gotta get used to. Mood swings.

Big time.

Hermione never was a girl. I'm not saying that she got a eh gender shift recently, she just never was one of the "girls" never one who would drool over a boy or eat only an apple for breakfast.

And her "time of the month" never involves mood swings; she's always stuck in that same grumpy and cranky mood, like she hasn't had sleep for weeks or worse got 99 on a essay.

Nah that's a bit dramatic, she would be in a more emotional/angry state of mind.

Anyways my point is that you should stay away from her when she's grumpy if you want to keep your tail. That was my point right? Ugh, rule number two: never make a long explanation, it's to hard to keep track on what the point was.

Maybe I should start recording those rules? With one of those thingies that muggles have.

----

Well that was interesting.

Dobby greeted us and after seeing my companion he started "trying" to speak with what I think was an Italian accent and seated us (yes seated us like in some kind of a restaurant) at a table with a red and white piece of clothe (which I assume must have been a sock once) and a lit candle.

After this strange performance he comes back in with a big plate with spaghetti on it with lots of small meatballs.

Why he insisted the whole thing to be on one plate I have no idea.

But there is one thing I told him before we left (fled) from the over romantic mood:

Lay of the Disney movies.

I knew it would be a bad idea paying a house elf for working.

Look at what this one uses his money for, movies and very ugly socks.

Me and a couple of the owls and that traitor toad once went to a "Movie-marathon" at Dobby's little room. It was crowded and you soon got tired of the movies.

The Swan Princess (all three of them), Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty.

See what I mean? We watched tons of those kinds of sappy princess movies and in the end I had the biggest urge to just punch either Snow White or Dobby. It ended up being Dobby.

The next day the elf actually came up to me and told me that he was offended that I had interrupted the important scene where the dwarfs are singing "Heigh-ho" but that the black eye was absolutely gorgeous. Yes he said that. He informed me that he had often given himself a black eye but had never really reached the pretty blue and yellow contrast.

After escaping Viviane was a bit annoyed at me, obviously she had liked the little scene and loved spaghetti especially with meatballs.

She's such a girly cat.

---

"So what do you say that you and I go…-" Viviane starts but is brutally cut of by- _Mrs. Norris_!

"Crooky!" She meows and throws her self at me, "I'm so sorry I left you! I was wrong, dogs don't deserve to live"

I can't really help but agree with her on that one.

No dog deserves to be on this earth, they should all be sent to mars or Pluto!

Except Lassie.

Yeah except La- WAIT A MINUTE! I did so not think that! Na ha! It was an illusion! Aha, a trick of the light. DON'T GO REREADING IT!

I'm in denial and I don't care.

"Er, what happened?" I ask curious and somehow manage to pry her of me.

"Fang cheated on me with Trevor!" She says crying her eyes out.

I can't believe it! How come that toad gets every one! Wait a second, isn't it bisexual? Dating a he-dog and she-owls?

Hm a bisexual toad. That's something you don't see everyday.

"He doesn't care," Viviane suddenly speaks up,

"Who is that?" Mrs. Norris asks me.

"I'm his girlfriend Viviane," Viviane says before I get the chance to answer.

"Is that true Crooky?" Mrs. Norris asks and turns yet again to me,

Yet again Vivian speaks before me.

"Yes, and stop calling him Crooky! I'm the only one allowed to do so!" Viviane says, what a feisty little cat.

"I'll call him whatever I like!" Mrs. Norris says angry and turns completely towards Viv, either totally forgetting or ignoring me.

"Cat fight!" Somebody yells and soon we cats are surrounded by the most of the owls, 2 or 3 students wondering what the hell all the animals are doing here, the dog Fang, and a few ducks from I don't know where oh and the Trevor toad is there of course with his groupies.

"Never knew they would start fighting over me," Fang comments looking self-confident.

"What are you talking about? They are obviously fighting over me," Trevor says looking outraged,

"Are not!"

"Are too!"

"Are not!"

I think I'm going to leave now, before my IQ drops.

---

I think I'm going to just keep away from the female race from now on.

Hermione is more then enough.

Speaking of the devil.

Hermione and Draco are sitting in the common room.

Arguing about who should eat the last cookie.

"You eat it," Hermione says with a giggle (Hermione giggling? Another Kodak moment)

"No you eat it," Malfoy says with a playful grin and pushes the plate towards her.

"You eat it,"

"No you eat it,"

"If you don't eat it there will be no snogging for a week," Hermione says smirking.

"Oh really," Malfoy asks and goes in for the kill. A.k.a. kisses her.

Both not noticing tha _I _took the cookie from the cookie jar!

Who me? Couldn't be. Then who took the-

I'll stop now.

Anyways it looks like Hermione and Draco don't need my help anymore.

Mission completed.

Can't believe it's ending like this. Hermione and Draco kissing and me having two cats fighting over me.

"Cat"ch yah later!

---

**A/N**: You have no idea how difficult it was writing this chapter! I kept getting distracted by the puzzle besides me! Rule number one: Never attempt to do _anything _if there's a puzzle nearby!

But that wasn't the only reason; I rewrote this chapter 3 times or something. I just don't want it to end but it had to end sometime and I already knew that this wasn't going to be one of those 40 chapter long stories.

Oh well, thank you so much to all of the reviewers! Loved you guys! You kept me going and motivated! Be on the look out for my next story, don't know what I'll call It yet but just be on the look out :P

Thanks to: **Sienna, The Queen of Duct tape, pixiestars162, Alexis in Wonderland, CCoLoMBiAnMaMi11, bob, musicalbballgal, FlaiVerona, ellio, beachbabe12, Heiress-To-The-Dark-Throne, Jjp91,** **Anime4u2**and** novacaine junkie** for the reviews!

Special note to:

**Sienna: **Your room must've been lovely! (Note the sarcasm) Welcome back to civilization!

**Queen of Duct Tape: **Well, it's ending now. :( Yeah that robot is depressing. And those monkeys don't sound very nice…

**Bob: **Yeah, I think Viviane showed more of a Pansy personality in this one too.

**FlairVerona: **You got your catfight! Lol.

**BeachBabe12: **Aw! Thanks for the sweet words! I love it when people complement me on my "made up" characters lol.

**Jjp91: **Yeah! Puke green is sooo the new black! Lol.

**Novacaine Junkie: **Get better! Hope you liked the chapter ;)

Though the story is finished that shouldn't be stopping you from reviewing!

-**Boogie**


	23. Merry Christmas

**10 years later.**

As I slowly crept towards the kitchen I sensed a strange interruption in the powerful kitty-force…

In living room someone is, (For the not so quick people out there that was a Yoda impression)

Now it was my job as Crookshanks san the protector of the house to kick the intruder out with my ninja combined kick jump and back toss. I just have to get the trampoline in there unnoticed...

_You broke that last Monday._

Ugh how I hate Monday- uuu after all this time I actually do have a conscience!

Anywho, I'm just going to go into the living room without the trampoline.

The sharp rainbow colored Christmas lights temporarily blinded me as I entered the lounge. They were everywhere, around all windows even around the big flowery pink couch. Hermione had really outdone herself this year.

It was a surprise that there was enough electricity to get my blow drie- uh Television to work… okay, you caught me, my name is Crookshanks and I _blow dry_ my fur (don't even try to figure out _how_ I do it)

Bu-but seriously if I didn't my fur would just be… _puffy_ and make me look bulky.

It's not as if I need fur to do that, make me look bulky that is, my flappy-ness has got that covered.

And since I'm in this confessional mood… IT WAS ME WHO TOOK THE COOKIE FROM THE COOKIEJAR!

But uh, back to my heroic tale,

I quickly regained my sight and was shocked to see a thing, a being, an existence, which I had never come across before.

It was big, it was huge, it was e-freaking-normous!

With big, huge and enormous I'm talking like, bigger then…

…_me_! My eyes widen at the realization.

I looked ashamed down at my tummy (which was getting to big for the paws to reach the ground) I should've forced a fifth steak down, another gingerbread house...

Don't they have like, anti-liposuction? Where they inject fat instead of removing it?

Ew, I am not getting anybody elses fat implanted in me. I don't want to turn all exorcist.

Maybe another box of canned tuna will do the job?

I decided to get it over with and charged, no I power walked, okay I _dragged_ my five hundred pound self towards the big red lobsterman.

But he wasn't alone.

Gasp _Hermione_! Why-how-isn't Malfoy _enough_?

I hissed with disgust, she was going to give up 8 years of marriage for a queer clad, obese and hairy fellow?!

No of course, mistletoe, they must be standing under mistletoe, never neglect the laws of the mistletoe.

I raised my self a whole inch, yet I saw no sign of the merry red and green plant.

No it must be… eh her cousin then! …ew, that's just wrong.

I have to stop this.

So, I hissed my most furious fizz.

They abruptly stopped exchanging salvia and noticed my presence.

"Crookshanks, you still awake?" Hermione said,

"Save your excuses," I hissed, "I saw you!"

"Saw what? We didn't touch your presents if that's what you think," The crimson dude said sounding exactly like Mal…

…_Malfoy_?!

I _never_ knew red made you look that bloate- NO it's not him, can't be, Malfoy would never tacky enough to wear scarlet! Ever! And what is with that beard? It's not him, it-it can't be…

I'm not going crazy, just a nightmare, yeah that's it, a nightmare; I'll wake up any minute now.

…

Anytime now

…

Am I going crazy? Am I going craaazy? Possibly. I remember- eh, I think I'm just going to go to sleep now, I thought to myself as I shook my head, turned around and walked out of the living room heading for bed, tomorrow this will all just be a dream and I get to open my presents and this will all be forgotten… I made myself comfortable and yawned, just a dream, all a drea-snoooore

_Back in the living room_

"I think we confused him," Malfoy said looking bemused at the spot Crookshanks had been in just a few seconds ago,

"I don't think he recognized you," Hermione said with a smile, putting her arms around his neck.

"Oh? Don't I look irresistible?" Malfoy asked with a smirk,

"I think you look a bit bloated actually," Hermione teased,

"Really?" Malfoy asked pecking her lips,

"Yes, really,"

"Then I must burn it right away,"

"No, keep it, it's cute"

"Cute you say?"

"Ye-"

Folks, let's just cut to the crap before the fluff kills us with its fluffy-ness;

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

Hope you enjoyed this ;)


End file.
